voice of an ALIEN...

Silver Lining

2012-01-02T16:08:00.007-05:00

Sometimes finding that silver lining is not that difficult.

What I've Been Surviving On

2012-01-01T15:59:00.000-05:00

Presenting my proud creations...

I think I am on my way to becoming a world-renown chef . . . or not.

When Racism is Applauded and Democracy Outlawed

2011-08-01T00:37:00.004-04:00

“Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?”
Galatians 4:16

Diligently poring over the newspapers and online news portals in a post-709 frenzy, I am completely appalled and disgusted by some of the reports that I read. Before I can even fully comprehend how a coalition that calls for a clean and fair electoral system can be declared illegal, I also find myself dumbfounded by the proposal to offer an award to those who excel in “uphold[ing] their race.” Since when is racism applauded and democracy outlawed in Malaysia?

Some of those who are in authority have attempted to politicize recent events, portraying them as the political gimmicks of opposing parties. Yet, such a claim cannot be any further from the truth. Malaysians from all walks of life did not march for a political cause on July 9. In fact, that would not have been worth the while. Malaysians are not waging a political war against the powers-that-be. Instead, the war transcends a mere political cause. Malaysians are caught in the middle of a moral war, trying to defend the values that we as a people hold dear to our hearts.

The demand for a clean and fair electoral system is based on the values of honesty and justice. Those who oppose these demands are also inevitably opposing the moral values that the demands embody. Some have argued and said, “But we do not disagree with these demands. It’s the illegal gathering that we oppose.” To this I shall reply that efforts to prevent the employment of a just and reasonable mean to uphold these values are equivalent to direct opposition to these values themselves. Besides, by whose definition is the gathering “illegal” anyway? Isn’t it our constitutional right to gather peacefully?

On the other hand, the same powers-that-be who seemed to have been so concerned with uniting the people, promoting acceptance instead of tolerance, and breaking down the wall that isolates Malaysians of different races also seemed to have been wilfully deafened and blinded to the loud call of racism. An award named after an outspoken racist offered to those who “uphold their race”? It seems to me that one cannot exalt anything without doing so at the expense of another, just as the Ku Klux Klan had advocated white supremacy at the expense of the “coloured people” and Hitler had sacrificed the Jews to achieve a purer and more superior race. Who then will be sacrificed to uphold the Malay race and preserve Malay supremacy?

It is far too easy to underestimate the moral implications of our actions and decisions. After all, a slightly compromised electoral system can hardly qualify as immorality and comparing racial inequality in Malaysia to Ku Klux Klan and Hitler’s regime may seem like an exaggeration. However, moral degradation is not a destination; it is a journey. Having taken one tiny step down the road of moral degradation, there is nothing to prevent one from travelling further down that road until it becomes too late to turn back. From the empty and not-so-wise words of a loudmouth racist to the booing of an Israeli football player culminating in a complaint letter to the Football Association of Malaysia (FAM), and from the authorities’ use of a little violence with the excuse of “crowd control” to the mysterious death of certain individuals, this road is a slippery slope that will take one on a downhill ride.

I believe many Malaysians would like to ask the authorities the same question the apostle Paul asked the Galatians: “Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?” If that is indeed the case, so be it, for we cannot cease our fight for truth and righteousness. We can tolerate incompetent and inefficient leaders, but we certainly cannot tolerate immoral ones. Neither can we tolerate those who opt for silence in the face of immorality. Just as it is said of Shakespeare’s Prince Hamlet that “on his choice depends [t]he safety and health of this whole state,” likewise the safety and health of Malaysia is also dependent on the choices (and values) of our leaders.

The True Spirit of One Malaysia

2011-07-15T11:04:00.007-04:00

As I was manning the information counter at the expo that my company organized last weekend, a lady walked up to me and said, "Excuse me, is that a bumi hall?" While my eyes followed the direction her finger was pointing, the thought that I might have possibly misunderstood her question crossed my mind.

"Sorry, ma'am," I found myself saying, "What was your question again?"

"Oh, I took a peek into that hall and saw that there are a lot of bumis in there. So I was not sure if there are different halls for bumis and non-bumis."

So I did not misunderstand her question after all.

"Oh, no," I quickly replied, "There is no distinction between bumis non-bumis. All halls are open to all visitors." Then I added, "One Malaysia, right?" To this, the lady gave a light chuckle and walked away.

A few moments later, the implications of her question sank in. The fact that such an idea actually crossed the mind of a Malaysian and that she saw the need to check if there are halls specifically designated for people of different races troubled me greatly. Do we still fail to look beyond racial lines after more than five decades of nationhood?

Indeed, considering all that Malaysia had gone through in the past few weeks, those last three words that I uttered seem to have been unintentionally laced with cynicism.

But do not get me wrong. I am a firm supporter of the idea of One Malaysia that seeks "to preserve and enhance this unity in diversity which has always been our strength and remains our best hope for the future" and to encourage the rakyat to identify ourselves first and foremost as Malaysians, while preserving our unique cultural identity as a complement to our national identity.

However, such a noble and idealistic concept seems rather risible in the light of the reality of our political situation. After all, the ruling coalition consists of three main parties separated along racial lines: the United Malay National Organisation (UMNO), the Malaysian Chinese Association (MCA), and the Malaysian Indian Congress (MIC). If we are truly one, why can't we have the United Malaysian National Organisation, the Malaysian Citizen Association, and the Malaysian Interracial Congress instead?

In some aspects, we have indeed come a long way since the May 13, 1969 racial riot. Yet after all this while, we are still living with the ghost of May 13. The bloodshed and violence of that fateful day has ever since haunted the generation that has lived through the event, frightening many into silence and acquiescence as they have learned to quietly accept the "lot" that is dealt to them, even int he only place that they can truly call home. But for my generation, we have heard so many different versions of the event from parents, teachers, and history textbooks that we have ironically become oblivious to what really happened on that day. Quoting George Santayana, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Let alone those who do not even know that actually took place in the past.

The July 9 scare that involved the shutting down of downtown Kuala Lumpur may have been partially reminiscent of May 13, and yes, my generation will always remember 709 just as my parents' generation remembers 513, but we will remember this day for a very different reason: 709 reversed the effects of 513, because on July 9, 2011, thousands of Malaysians of all races stood up together in unity for a common cause: to fight for that which is right and just. And all these not for the benefit of any particular racial group, but for the good of the country in which God has placed us. Those who stood up did so because we care for this place that we proudly call home and we care enough to defend our rights as citizens of this nation. If this is not the spirit of One Malaysia, I don't know what else is.

On July 9, 2011, One Malaysia ceased to be merely an idealistic concept; on this day, the world stole a glimpse of the attainable reality of One Malaysia, when Malaysians managed to look beyond the color of our skin. On this day, the cause of Bersih 2.0 has achieved what the government has failed to achieve in the past 54 years: the unity of all Malaysians, regardless of race.

While the Deputy Prime Minister unashamedly declared that he is first and foremost a Malay, those of us who see ourselves first and foremost as Malaysians hunger and thirst for justice and integrity in Malaysia.

For the concept of One Malaysia to transcend mere idealism, Malaysia should be only led by those who perceive themselves first and foremost as Malaysians. Those who do not see themselves primarily as Malaysians are not fit to govern this land called Malaysia.

Malaysia belongs to Malaysians. And I am proud to be Malaysian. Let us join hands with our fellow countrymen and further the reality of One Malaysia!

The Political Circus

2011-03-21T08:53:00.011-04:00

Here we are again, caught up in the tangles of yet another sex scandal involving politicians. Déja vu!

So Datuk T invited members of the press to view the alleged sex video individually, and the viewing was conducted privately at a hotel room, of all places. And how did the video come into his possession? Why, of course the accused had sent him to the alleged crime scene in search of a misplaced watch, during which he stumbled upon a hidden CCTV!

Somehow, I cannot seem to shed the feeling that there is something fishy (almost Machiavellian!) about this.

After all, why is the exposition carried out in such an under-handed fashion? Private viewings in a hotel room? Can anything be carried out in a more discreet manner? If the act in question does indeed pose a dire threat to the moral values upon which our nation is founded (as Datuk T claims, the culprit is not "the pious person with high moral values and integrity as portrayed, and therefore is not fit to be leader" (The Star, March 21)), it seems fit to me to expose the culprit and his deeds to the public, and allow justice to run its due course. And why does the accuser perceive the need to assume anonymity? If his intention is indeed to preserve the political integrity of the nation, his duty to the rakyat surely obliges him to bring to light the misconducts of another fellow politician, and he should carry it out without fear or shame.

Yet, to insist on the political demise of the accused, that, I believe, has crossed the line of duty. In fact, the call for the accused "and his wife [to] step down from politics" (The Star, March 21) not only reflects a double standard (wait, who's the president of MCA?), but it also consitutes an infringement on the rakyat's freedom to decide. In a democratic nation, the right to pronounce a death sentence on the political career of the individual in question should be left in the hands of the rakyat. I fully trust that the rakyat has the wisdom to know who and what kind of individual they want in authority over them.

However, the identity of the culprit is a question that has yet to be answered, and so is the question of the video's authenticity. For all we know, this may be yet another attempt at political assassination.

In the midst of all these uncertainties, one thing is certain: We, the Rakyat, are tired and sick of sex scandals and political gimmicks.

Since obtaining independence almost 54 years ago, as a nation, we are still in the process of forging a national identity. And even before we manage to arrive at any substantial achievement, here we are caught up in yet another frivolous political child's play. Perhaps if we begin to transfer our energy and attention from these scandals and gimmicks to our efforts in nation-building, we will finally achieve what our founding father dreamt of when he negotiated for our independence from the British.

Dorothy Parker

2011-02-21T22:38:00.007-05:00

General Review of the Sex Situation

Woman wants monogamy;

Man delights in novelty.

Love is woman's moon and sun;

Man has other forms of fun.

Woman lives but in her lord;

Count to ten, and man is bored.

With this the gist and sum of it,

What earthly good can come of it?

Dorothy Parker, 1926

P.S.: Yes, I just found my new favourite author!

The Abstract

2010-10-27T20:57:00.006-04:00

"We miss the abstract when we comprehend.
We miss it most when we aspire, - and fail."

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh, fifth book

"a touch of earth"

2010-10-24T19:54:00.007-04:00

" . . . but, friend, to me
He is all fault who hath no fault at all:

For who loves me must have a touch of earth"

- Tennyson, Idylls of the King, "Lancelot and Elaine"

Fried Ice-cream

2010-10-08T22:07:00.003-04:00

I like fried ice-cream.

The crisp appearance,
dressed in a solid coat
of raw eggs and cornflakes,

sealed in boiling oil:
the ultimate concealment.

Under this maquillage,
is but the delicate and mellow
solid-fluid, the vanilla sweetness
that strips the stoic disguise.

I am fried ice-cream.

The Ironies in Life

2010-08-23T23:20:00.003-04:00

"So, throughout life, our worst weaknesses and meannesses are usually committed for the sake of the people whom we most despise."

"All other swindlers upon earth are nothing to the self-swindlers, and with such pretences did I cheat myself."

-Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Country Music Rawks!!

2010-07-23T13:04:00.007-04:00

Ok, that is an oxymoronic title... but, that's besides the point.

I was listening to Rascal Flatts at work today, and thought I'd share a song of theirs (or rather, part of it) with you all.

"Sometimes I take on this world by myself

Thinking I got all the answers, don't need anybody's help

Well, God was right there waiting for me all along

To fall down on my knees, surrender all.

Things that matter, things that don't."

- Rascal Flatts, Things that Matter

Never realised that Rascal Flatts can be so spiritually uplifting. But nevertheless, it's a good reminder. God was right there waiting for me all along to fall down on my knees and surrender all.

The Drama of Life

2010-05-30T17:11:00.004-04:00

Sometimes, it feels as though my life is a drama.

I am the script-writer who carefully crafts out every twist and turn of the plot, who ingeniously composes every dialogue, who brilliantly plans the happily-ever-after.

With a sense of self-satisfaction, I proudly display the masterpiece to the Director. Yet, as the drama is being acted out, the Director makes so many changes to the script that the final product is beyond recognition.

I sure hope that the season finale is better than my happily-ever-after ending.

doing what I love doing feels good

2010-04-04T14:49:00.006-04:00

The Sunday Star published my article entitled "My Beloved Country" (originally titled "To the One that I Miss") on April 4. The article can be found in print on page E13 of the Education section. The online version of the article can be found here.

To Study

2010-03-25T19:47:00.003-04:00

Oh Study, my dear Study,
Of you I have become so weary.

I love you so; I can't deny.
Yet at times, from you I'd fly.

Indeed, to you I'm always bound,
But in restlessness I'm often found.

We were, once, a couple so loving,
Since when have you become so controlling?

From me are driven all my beaux,
For I cease not to have you in tow.

Please release me. Let me go!
But still, you know I love you so.

Just for the sake of...

2010-02-11T20:45:00.004-05:00

Well, actually I don't have anything significant to say. Just thought I'd keep this blog alive since it has not been attended to in quite a while. Okay, more than quite a while. Alright! ...for a looong time.

Or maybe this is just an excuse for me to not read or work or do anything that is productive. I just feel like slacking, since it's Thursday night. What about Thursday night, you may ask. 'Cause it's the night before Friday! So what? So that means it's almost the weekend! (Duh!)

But then again, I guess anytime is a good time to slack.

By the way, just to let keep you all updated.... I AM HEADING DOWN TO ORLANDO FLORIDA FOR THE SUMMER! It's official! I will be doing an internship with Wycliffe Bible Translators! That sure keeps me going for the rest of this semester.

The key to success: Beginning with the end in mind!

Laws of the Corporate World

2009-10-10T10:04:00.012-04:00

P = w/t

Reads: Power is work over time.

In other words, if you want power, you have to work overtime.

Pt = w
Reads: Power times time is work.

It follows that, if you want to hold power for a period of time, you have to work for it.

2Pt = 2w

Therefore, if you want more power in a longer period of time, you have to do more work!

Man, this is a dog-eat-dog world!

Anyway, now that you have witnessed what Physics can do to an English major, I have to get back to studying Physics for my mid-term...

A nightmare erred

2009-09-05T18:47:00.002-04:00

Violently I shook
With tears of sorrow
or rather of fear.
I don't quite know.

Of this I'm sure:
It's a nightmare erred.

Silently I pondered
the question "Why";
To this none answered
And I'm left in a puzzle.

Of this I'm sure:
It's a nightmare erred.

Secretly I hope
it's just a joke-
that it's April Fool!
a little overdue.

Then I'll know for sure:
It's a nightmare erred.

of Beauty

2009-09-04T21:30:00.003-04:00

Every now and then,
I shift my beauty-starved eyes
from the monitor screen,
from the books and notes.

I leave the air-conditioned room
and roam in the cool night air,
drinking in the beauty of God's creation
like a vagabond in the desert
who stumbled upon an oasis.

I lift my head
and feast my eyes upon the beauty-
to which none can compare.

I froze in awe and wonder.

But I do that
only once in a while.
For norm is the cruel murderer of beauty.

Once upon a time

2009-07-29T18:54:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, we wanted to outgrow our jeans. Now, we want our jeans to outgrow us.

Once upon a time, we wished we could help Mummy clean. Now, cleaning becomes a chore.

Once upon a time, we looked forward to our next birthday. Now, we wish that it creeps up as slowly as possible.

Once upon a time, we wanted to be just like Mummy or Daddy. Now, being likened to our parents is an offence.

Once upon a time, we looked forward to each new day. Now, each new day is just another set of routine.

I wonder if anything had changed, or are we just being carried away by the tide of time?

The Power of Love

2009-07-22T23:09:00.003-04:00

"To love, is to entrust someone with the power to hurt you."

the Thing with feathers that perches in the soul

2009-07-20T21:15:00.005-04:00

Life is a series of promotions from one set of routine to another. Remember the time when our routine comprised of only nap time, playtime, and mealtime? Then it included school time and break time, then gradually work time.

And we wonder why we spend a lifetime going through the motions, like the goods in a factory going through the conveyor belts. The outcome is generic. Every prince and every pauper is mere flesh and bone rotting six feet under.

Yet, deep within every heart and every soul, there is a longing for something more to this life. Because if our ultimate destination is death and no further, why does it matter what we do and how we live?

We silently and subconsciously cling on to the only thing that keeps us going: hope, like a spark of light at the end of the tunnel. A hope that the significance of our years spent on earth -may it be one or one hundred- ceases not with our last gasp for oxygen.

But such hope can only come from one who has himself conquered death, and thus can secure a promise of life after death. Only Jesus alone has conquered death, and only Jesus provides an answer to the hope of every heart. And all who believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Hope is not mere wishful thinking. Hope is not the flicker of a candle in the dark, quivering in the embrace of the lightest breeze, never knowing if it will withstand the wind.

Hope is closing your eyes on the world for one last time, knowing full well that you will open them in paradise.

And to raise a generation of hope is for the hopefuls to take this message to the hopeless - a message that gives the world a reason to live.

Because the things that we do today matter in the life to come.

The quest for Perfection

2009-07-19T22:17:00.008-04:00

is a lonely jog along a never-ending road.

Moving forward, but never arriving at the destination.

Leaving no room for companionship.

Ever accelerating to stay ahead of the pack.

Exhausting, but never fatal.

Then I turn around, only to find that I have been running on a treadmill. With 15 pounds of weight heaped upon my shoulders.

random facts about the Other

2009-07-17T21:52:00.000-04:00

Let's just say that I have quite an "interesting" job. One that many are dying for. Or not. So as my team is winding down from the peak season of intensive classes, I spend more time doing, well, nothing. To elaborate a little more, that translates into me spending more time just looking at people eating.

Anyway, the past week had been a guy's week, with mostly, if not all, male students. And I observed some fun facts about this other creation of God.

1. Guys put everything (did I say EVERYTHING?) in their pockets. Even a whole bottle of water! Wow! How does one do that? It's a miracle!

2. Be it 4 or 40, guys like tugging at pigtails! So I saw this middle-age man tugging at his female classmate's ponytail. Ah, good old days... Just like back in kindergarten.

3. Guys love candies! So we serve Mountain Trail Mix (a mixture of all kinds of nuts, raisins, and M'n'Ms) at our hospitality room. And at the end of everyday for the past week, all that was left, or rather all that was missing from the Trail Mix bowl was M'n'Ms! Hmm... I wonder what happened...

God sure had a sense of humour when He created these fascinatingly queer (or queerly fascinating) creatures!

You Are God Alone

2009-07-16T20:45:00.003-04:00

You are not a god created by human hands
You are not a god dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god in need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that's just the way it is

You are God alone from before time began
You were on Your throne, You are God alone
And right now, in the good times and bad
You are on Your throne, You are God alone

You're the only God whose power none can contend
You're the only God whose name and praise will never end
You're the only God who's worthy of everything we can give
You are God, and that's just the way it is

Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
That's what You are

Storm in the Silence

2009-07-12T09:13:00.007-04:00

There was silence. That awkward silence that I had dreaded. It somehow seemed like the silence had stripped me naked and exposed all that I had been trying so hard to masquerade. Then she'll hear my anxious gasps for air and the deep pounding of my heart, like a hammer on hollow wood. She'll read my mind like an open book- the very thing that I hhad been trying anxiously to hide. Because it was screaming "Get me outta here!" I was sure she heard that scream, because the silence, like a megaphone, had amplified it a thousandfold.

So I desperately operated my innate search engine to locate the right words to say. Wheels were turning and pages were flipping in search of those words that had never existed. And never will. I heard myself said, "I am sure the LORD let things happen for a reason. I am sure He has a better plan in store." That was a lie. That was just the default response for a situation like this. It is not that He does not have a better plan, but it's just that, right at that very moment, I was not so sure about it.

A million questions popped up in my mind. Like the game in which you whack the bobbing heads with a club, I tried to strike each of these questions down, and confine them to the dungeon of my mind. But they were raving to get out, pushing and stampeding their way out. In the process, hurting me from the inside out. And the pain that was caused translated into tears that flowed freely down my cheeks.

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

may the name of the LORD be praised."

Job 1:21b

Been thinking...

2009-07-08T19:24:00.000-04:00

How effortlessly we point our fingers at those who nailed Jesus to the cross! The Romans who had to do what was politically correct then, and the Jews who had no room for the message of grace.

But what if Jesus comes now? Will our generation nail him to the cross just as they did? How will we respond to Him?

I can imagine those of us who will oppose His politically incorrect ways. I can imagine the skeptics in our midst who will sneer and jeer at the incomprehensible concept of grace. We have already crucified Him in our own ways. Like Bethlehem, we are too occupied to make room for the King.

What happens if Jesus comes today? I don't know. I don't wanna know. I am glad He came when he did, because it's always easier to look from the outside.

The Power of Love

2009-07-02T20:33:00.008-04:00

As I read Luke 19 again, the scene of Zacchaeus climbing up onto the sycamore tree unfolded itself before me once more.

Jesus was in town, and everyone would give anything to steal a glance at this controversial prophet. Buried in the sea of faces was that of Zacchaeus's. A small man in physique and a small man in the judgemental eyes of his fellow countryman, Zacchaeus was forced to climb a tree in order to steal a look at his Saviour. Jesus, of course, had a heart big enough for a small man like Zacchaeus and He offered to go to Zacchaeus's house for the day.

Despite my familiarity with the story, I was suddenly struck with awe as I read Zacchaeus's response:

"Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." (Luke 19:8)

Jesus did not rebuke Zacchaeus for his sin. Jesus did not condemn his acts of dishonesty towards his fellow countryman. Jesus did not tell him to make right his wrong before coming to the Messiah. Jesus merely extended his invitation of love to Zacchaeus just as he was. With arms opened wide.

And yet, this undeserving love did what no amount of condemnation or rebuke could do. It melted a man's heart. It walked a sinner through the gates of grace.

And a precious child of God was eternally altered.

That's the power of love. Undeserving love.

Grace like rain falls down on me

2009-06-28T22:06:00.004-04:00

"Grace... the last good word in the English language."

-Philip Yancey, "What's So Amazing About Grace?"

My God is a holy God. He demands perfection and holiness. He commanded that we turn the other cheek, go the extra mile, and love our enemies, all of which I have failed miserably. Lust is to Him an act of adultery and hatred amounts to murder, and of course, I have not failed to do either. How can I please a holy God when my righteous acts are like filthy rags in His sight?

He knew I was never gonna be good enough for His standards, but He was more than good enough to me. I could not reach up, so God reached down.

He reached down and lifted me up from my wretched disposition. Grace like rain falls down on me. And I am drenched.

Bookworm-athon

2009-06-25T22:06:00.006-04:00

Just a little bragging (and sharing!). I went through 5 books this summer (so far!). Good reads they are!

1. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
2. Why? by Vernon Brewer
3. The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey (Great book! Very refreshing. Highly recommended!)
4. To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee (Another amazing book!)
5. What's So Amazing about Grace? by Philip Yancey (Highly recommended!)

Well, if you haven't already realised, I am very proud of myself! It's nice catching up on some reading for pleasure.

PS: Oh, did I mention that I am currently on Baker Street with Sherlock Holmes?

All the Right Answers

2009-06-09T08:16:00.002-04:00

My many years spent in Sunday School has alerted me that, in spite of what they say, there are right answers to "Christian questions," safe generic answers that is, that will not betray your true self.

"Children, what do you do when you are sick?" "Pray to Jesus!" comes the answer, without a second thought, even though Mummy is all they want when are actually ill. "Do you know who loves you the most?" "Jesus!" comes the answer, although their parents are the only ones who mean the world to them.

Just like the little children who were subconsciously taught to memorise the right answers, we too are all too familiar with giving the right answers.

What must one do in order to be saved?
"We must acknowledge that we are sinners, confess with our mouths, and believe and accept that Jesus has died to take away our sins."

It is no wonder that Kevin Roose, author of "The Unlikely Disciple," who came to Liberty University as an undercover (of sorts), managed to join the church choir to sing praises to the God he has never personally known and went on a mission trip to preach the gospel of the Jesus he has never believed in. As ironic as it may sound, it's not that unbelievable after all. Knowing all the right answers is not that hard to accomplish. Just say yes to the questions that you should say yes to, and no to the questions that you should say no to. It's almost a no-brainer.

But Christianity is not about knowing all the right answers; it's about being on the right side of eternity- the winning side. Knowing all the right answers is not hard at all, living out the right answers- that's the challenge!

LIFE 101

2009-05-29T21:11:00.003-04:00

Professor: The Creator
Class time: Every waking moment

Course Objective
The main objective of this class to allow students to get to know the Creator. This course is also designed to give students the opportunity to make the best of the talents that the Creator has bestowed on each individual and to make full use of the time that the Creator has given to them.

Prerequisites
No prerequisites required, as students are picked out of the dirt, literally.

Textbooks
There are no required textbooks for this course, as the coursework and lesson plan are exclusively unique for each student.
Recommended reference material: Holy Bible. Please be aware that this is not a direct generic solution manual for the coursework involved in this class, but careful and deep study of this material will greatly assist you to succeed in this class.

Attendance Policy
Full attendance is required to pass. Failure to achieve perfect attendance will result in your failing this class.

Coursework
- Assignments: Generally, there will be three (3) major assignments, each given at a different stage throughout the course of this class.
Assignment #1. Childhood: Students are expected to demonstrate obedience to authority.
Assignment #2. Teenage: Students are expected to demonstrate submission to authority when authority is placed over them, and the ability to take responsibility is also expected of students when they are given freedom.
Assignment #3. Adulthood: Students are held accountable for everything and everyone under their care and authority. Students will have to answer for their actions at the end of this course.
- Tests: There will be numerous tests during the course of this class. Tests will not be announced ahead of time. It is the student's responsibility to be prepared at all times.
*Please take note that the coursework for each student differs. This is only a general guideline. Some may have less assignments and more tests.

Grading Rubric
The final grade for this class is taken collectively from the assignments and tests. In order to pass this class, one must acknowledge the Creator and all that He has done.
Grade A: Have a personal relationship with the Creator; Fulfilled the Creator's will; Left behind a legacy.
Grade B: Have a personal relationship with the Creator; Fulfilled the Creator's will.
Grade C: Merely acknowledged the Creator and all that He has done.
Grade F: Failed to acknowledge Creator and all that He has done.

Extra Credit
There are countless extra credit opportunities throughout the course of this class, but they will not be announced in class. It is the student's responsibility to take note and recognise these opportunities.

Have fun taking LIFE 101!!

A thing of beauty

2009-05-17T16:17:00.013-04:00

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever..."

John Keats

Do you want to know what is a thing of beauty? It is the taste of heaven.

As we were all crying out loud in one voice, but with different tongues, to the Lord God Almighty, I could not help but to stand in awe of Him who brought us together, and bound us to the body of Christ with His all surpassing love. I am so glad that His love transcends all the earthly differences that set us apart.

That is what heaven is gonna be like! Beautiful...

"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free,

neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. "

Galatians 3:28

The Things that Never Change

2009-05-10T13:28:00.003-04:00

There are some things that never change in spite of the tireless ticking of the second hand.

It was graduation day. The procession of anxious yet excited graduates was making its way into the stadium. I can swear that that same flood of emotions was no stranger to me. Ah yes! It was that very moment when I was making my way to the stage for my first graduation concert in kindergarten. That same anxiety and excitement! Of course, I remember!

But all the more overwhelming was the emotions and excitement that swept over the crowd on the floor. Seats were vacant, not because the turn-up was bad, but because there was nothing that could bind the parents to their chairs. Lights were flashing, not because it was going to rain, but because everyone was trying to make that moment last forever by eternally engraving it into that little light-emitting box. Hands were waving, not because an American Idol was in town, but because someone's Idol was coming down the aisle.

At that very moment, it was as if time stood still, and there was no one else in the entire world, but the cameraman and his wife, trying to capture the glorious moment when their Princess walked down the aisle with the proud smile underneath the identical black cap and gown. Yet to the cameraman, that girl in cap and gown was unique. She was one of a kind!

Some things never change in spite of the tireless ticking of the second hand. It's the love of a parent.

Happy Belated April's Fool!

2009-04-18T22:07:00.005-04:00

I understand if my peers think that China is part of South East Asia, or that Kimono is Chinese.... but this? In my History textbook?

Don't I just LOVE them...

of Dreams...

2009-03-25T13:12:00.002-04:00

I was taught to Dream:
To Dream big and to Dream far;
To reach for the moon, lest I should fall,
I'll still find myself among the stars.

But what is Dream
when I am just a gush of whirlwind?
And what is Dream
as I bathe in tears that flow like a stream?

Still I did dream:
I dreamt big and I dreamt far.
I reached for the moon, and surely I did fall
to find myself among starfishes on the shore.

A Geography Lesson

2009-01-14T19:46:00.004-05:00

It was the first Residence Hall Leaders' Meeting after Christmas break and the first one for this semester. So we were going around sharing what we did over the break.

TommiLee: Our family had a Chinese Night. We had Chinese food and Chinese tea. I don't know what's it called, but we had this thing that is wrapped in seaweed.

Dorcas: Er... I don't think that's Chinese. It's most probably Japanese food.

TommiLee: Oh, really? Anyway, we dressed up as Chinese too!

Rachel: Oh! What did you guys wear?

TommiLee: We all had Kimonos on!

Dorcas: Erm... Kimono is Japanese too.

(Girls laugh)

TommiLee: Oh well, it's just an inter-cultural night then.

Natalie: Maybe you can call it South East Asia Night!

Dorcas: Well, actually, neither China nor Japan is part South East Asia.

Natalie: (blushes) Oops, sorry!

Well, this is American Geography for you.

*Please take note: Kimonos and Sushis are Japanese, and there are 10 countries in South East Asia, but Japan and China are NOT in the list!

Let My Walk Speak Loud

2008-12-27T12:07:00.006-05:00

Nothing closes the heavy wooden double doors of the church as effectively as hypocrisy does. Bang! The door is slammed shut, never to be opened again. The crowd sneers and jeers at the closed doors, and the people turn their backs on the church. "Look!" they say, "And they call themselves Christians."

Nothing is as great a turn-off as hypocrisy is.

Since hypocrisy is pretending to be something you are not, or saying something that you do not actually practice, can we all agree that hypocrisy amounts to deception? You are presenting yourself to be someone you are not! I feel so deceived to hear one speaking so loudly on stage, and yet his actions have such a great discrepancy with his words. Oh, the deception!

I understand that no one is perfect, and Christians are humans too. Christians make mistakes, just like everyone else. No one is excluded from mankind's downfall. But maybe it's time we start practicing what we preach. Or maybe it's time we stop preaching and start living. Let our walks speak louder than our words!

Because our actions can either put a 'Welcome' sign or a 'No Entry!' sign at the gates of Heaven.

The Legacy

2008-12-26T22:47:00.004-05:00

If there is one most profound mistake that a great man of God can make, it is the failure to pass on his faith to the next generation. This is seen recurring all through history, from Moses to David, and the nation of Israel as a whole. Moses, God's chosen one, failed to pass on his faith to the next generation. You do not even want to know what his decendants did. David, a man after God's own heart. But look what happened to his family, or rather, families. And Israel's downfall was caused by her failure to pass her faith on to the next generation.

Unfortunately, this does not stop there. What was true in the times of the Old Testament is still true today. We see the same thing recurring again and again. It breaks my heart everytime I see great men of God failing to pass their faith on to their children. It pinches my heart to see their children slowly turning their backs on God, and turning to the world instead.

This is such a pity, because the only thing that you can leave behind for your children is your faith. And for those who failed to pass their faith on, they walked the length and breadth of this earth and earned the title of a great man of God, but when they leave this world, they leave nothing behind. They are like shadows who sojourned the world, leaving not even a footprint behind. They are like breaths of air that disappear with the lightest mist.

The only legacy that we can leave behind for our children is nothing less that our faith in the one true God. And the greatest ministry the LORD has commissioned to us is our family. Let's live the legacy and pass it on to generations to come!

"...choose you this day whom you will serve...

but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

Joshua 24:15

I am Malaysian!

2008-12-19T21:13:00.005-05:00

Recently I have been having too many doses of everything American. Some time ago, they had their Veteran's Day, and at Liberty, we had our Veteran's Day Convocation, just to pay tribute to people in the armed forces who faithfully served and are serving the country. Some representatives of the armed forces marched out with the American flag. Videos of the veterans were shown. The "Star-Spangled Banner", the lyrics and tune of which I had absolutely no idea, was sung. The pledge of allegiance was recited.

Then of course there was the election which was very much talked about. There were so many politicians who were invited to speak at our convocations, all too many, in fact. Everyone was talking about the political and economics situation of the nation, while at the same time, praying for the country as well.

Young people ranging from age 17 to mid-twenties cared so much about their country. They actually knew the significance of casting a vote in the election. They actually cared enough about the politics and the economy of the country to talk about it over dinner. They actually cared enough to plead to God on behalf of their nation, asking for forgiveness and mercy.

This is something new to me, because in Malaysia, most young people do not even bother to get out of bed earlier once in four years to cast a vote. Politics and economy are conversation topics for above-middle-age men. Yes, we do pray for our country during that 40-day prayer and fasting event organised by NECF, or when we hear that petrol prices are soaring, or when we hear that Anwar has set a new date to take over the government.

Do we not care enough for our country to uphold her in prayer to the LORD Almighty? Do we not care enough to plead for forgiveness on behalf of Malaysia? Are we too caught up with our homework and crushes that we have forgotten this land that the LORD has placed us in? Obviously, Malaysian (non-bumiputra) youths are are not patriotic enough to take any interest in what's going on within the country, let alone to intercede on her behalf. It makes me shudder to think that these young people are the future leaders of the country. I bet some may not even know who is the current ruling party.

Why is this so? Well, for one thing, we do not identify ourselves as Malaysians. Whereas anyone who holds an American citizenship calls him/herself an American, whether that person is black, red, yellow or white, people in Malaysia call themselves Chinese, Malay, or Indian. This is the weirdest thing. I have met Chinese from China, and the Chinese they speak sounds entirely different from mine. They can even tell from my looks that I am not from China. I have met people from Hong Kong who told me that my Cantonese is funny, whatever that means. And my English certainly does not sound like either that of the Americans or the English.

So, what does that make me? I can only come to the conclusion that I am Malaysian! I do not speak Chinese, Cantonese or English. I speak Malaysian. We may feel that we are not being treated as first-class citizens. We may feel that we have been deprived of all the special privileges that some others enjoy. But then again, we will never get these treatments elsewhere either. Maybe it's time we realise that God has not put us where we are so that we can distinguish ourselves from others, but so that we can make a difference for His world right where we are. Maybe it's time we, as the next generation of the nation, start caring for and interceding on behalf of Malaysia.

Les Mademoiselles!

2008-12-06T20:48:00.007-05:00

Living in close proximity with almost 70 other girls, I guess one just cannot help but to be, well, girly. So, here's a panorama of some scenarios captured in a girls' dorm.

I know bribery is absolutely wrong, but bribing with chocolate... is that a sin? Wait, is that even bribery?
So Rosemary wanted to go carolling to the brother dorm. Obviously, none of us was too interested in that. As a result, she ended up with no one on her side. And it is definitely not cool to go carolling alone! (Is that pathetic or what?) Finally, she had to resort to bribing Terron with chocolates to get some company on the little carolling trip. Anyway, the whole thing ended rather pathetically.
Well, this led to another problem. The rest of the girls who did not go carolling were making plans to have a movie night in our room, and they were upset that Terron agreed to go carolling, thus making us wait for her. So, in order to keep them occupied while she went carolling, Terron paid the girls in chocolate to have them make her bed and clean her part of the room.
Is this CRAZY or what?

So, moving on, my next door neighbour (literally!) is getting married! And as we all should probably know, getting married is not just an affair between two persons, but rather, it involves two families. Yes, she does have to deal with her in-laws, that is, future in-laws.
Yesterday, she ran into my room, looking for Terron to "hold her hand". I thought I heard her wrongly. The most gutsy girl in the dorm (she's a criminal justice major!) wants someone to hold her hand. And since Terron was not in the room, the task fell upon my shoulders.
Naturally, as anyone else would, I asked her what was going on. She said that she was about to give her mother-in-law a call. Then she sat down and started writing out a script for the telephone conversation. No kidding! The girl who stands up in class to debate with the lecturer is actually writing out a script for a conversation with her mother-in-law! Seriously, I was laughing my head off.

Oh well, I guess we are all the same inside, that girly side of ours. For some, it may be obvious and well-displayed, and for others, that girly side may be disguised and hidden under a facade of toughness and independence. Join the club, ladies!

That side of America Hollywood never portrays

2008-11-25T09:53:00.003-05:00

"He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters."

Psalm 23, a portion of the Bible we Christians are all too familiar with. However, being one who was born and bred in a city, I have never been able to fully grasp the image this verse paints. So, when I finally went to Bedford last Saturday, and witnessed for myself what a pasture really is, it just takes my breath away.

Bedford is a small town next to Lynchburg, about forty-five minutes to an hour away. It was the first day of my Thanksgiving break. Pastor Duncan and Betty decided to take Mia and me along as they visit their sister-in-law, and an old friend of theirs in Bedford. As we drove back from the quiet little town, Betty decided to revisit the Baptist church in Bedford that Pastor Duncan first pastored, only to realise that we got hopelessly lost along the way.

We find ourselves driving on narrow winding roads that seemed too small for more than one vehicle. At first, the roads were lined with woods and plantations, and then it turned into hundreds of hectares of farm lands with herds of cattle grazing. A farmhouse or two are seen standing remotely in the background. The pieces of land were so huge that they seem to stretch as far as the ends of the world. And they were green as green can be! Above all, all these were set to a majestic background of the mountains.

Immediately, Psalm 23 came to mind. Now I have a better picture of what the psalmist was feeling and thinking when he wrote the psalm. I can even picture my LORD and I walking across one of the green pastures, hand-in-hand... no... with our arms around each other! As I lie down on the green grass and He lies down beside me, we start to talk about everything. Every single one of my thoughts and dreams, and all that I am going through in my life. How beautiful! How serene! How wonderful!

The image of the pasture in Psalm 23 is not just an image of serenity and calmness, but also of His provision. As Christ said in Luke 12: "If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!" Isn't that just amazing? Looking at God's creation never fails to strike me with awe. If the LORD looked at all that He has created and said that they are good, and I am called the pinnacle of His creation, what does that make me? It makes me wanna worship Him with every breath of my being!

Honestly, I do not mind getting lost in Bedford for a second time.

Holy, Holy, Holy, Is the LORD Almighty!

2008-10-29T22:09:00.010-04:00

I must say that I have never before thirsted for the Word of God as much as I now do. It is a thirst that drives me to think about nothing else but His Word; it is a thirst that stirs up a desire to devour and at the same time savour every little bit and pieces that I can put my hands on. It tempts and calls out to me like a refreshing oasis in the middle of a dessert of busyness. Just when all the hustle and bustle of life is sucking every bit of moisture out of me, there it stands, calling for me to take a deep and long drink from the never ending source of living water. How amazing! How satisfying!

At one point or another, we are all guilty of referring to the contents of the Bible as mere 'stories'. Bible stories, we call them. It somehow connotes the idea that the contents of the Holy Book is a little less than real history, just like how we would never call the Pearl Harbour incident or the Holocaust a 'story'. But the more I sink myself in the texts and words of the Book, the more I realise that every single bit of the book is as real as my being, and as sure as the rising and the setting of the sun. How amazing! How awesome!

Studying the writing and the contents of the best-selling Book of all time drives me to realise the greatness and awesomeness of the One who put it together. Oh, just how brilliant He is! How real! How beautiful! And most of all... how Holy! I cannot help but to stand in awe of Him. Did you know that the use of the title 'LORD' (all in caps) in the Bible we now have is the representation of the Name of the God, Lord of the whole universe, YHWH? His Name is so holy that the Jews did not see themselves worthy of even using the Name. Such holiness that strikes me with indescribable awe! Yet we so ignorantly use the LORD's Name in vain, treating it like nothing more than another exclamation. Shame on those of us who have ever done that!

I am just so utterly amazed by the LORD, by His words, and by His works that are seen spanning across time and history!

Isaiah 6:3 says,

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD almighty;

the whole earth is filled with His glory."

Fundamental Right?

2008-10-17T19:16:00.005-04:00

So, as election is drawing nearer, there have been talks about human rights, and things that the people have to fight for. Being where the action is, I have way too many doses of stuff like these. Among others is the freedom/right to bear arms. Apparently, here at Liberty, people advocate the freedom to bear arms. In fact, according to many, it is a fundamental right and freedom that has to fought for and preserved.

One of my lecturers shared in class that she shuddered at the thought that any of her hundreds of students in the class can easily carry a gun in their backpack. Yet, on the other hand, she is a strong advocate of the freedom to bear arms. She said that she did not like to be told, what she can or cannot own. So, it boils down to the very American word: freedom.

This whole issue is totally foreign to me. Being born in Malaysia, I never had to ask such a question. After all, I have not even seen a real gun up close, except the ones held in a policeman's holster. However, I am very curious what non-Americans (Christians, especially) think about this issue. Will you guys please do me a favour and take the poll posted on the right? I want to see some numbers.

Please feel free to leave your written comments here. Thank you!

*The poll is open for everyone to take.

Life in a Container

2008-10-03T10:15:00.002-04:00

I recently submitted an English essay paper entitled "Redefining Privacy". My teacher asked me why did I choose this topic, and my answer was that I am seriously deprived of privacy.

Life in a container? If you have seen the pictures of my dorm, you will definitely know what I mean. Yes, I am paying $2900 every semester to live in a container! The small little box that houses three persons is where I call home at least for the next four years.

The container has 23 rooms with 3 girls in each room. So, there are about 70 girls in the little container. What can be more of an encroachment on one's privacy than this?! I think I am starting to be claustrophobic. I cannot stand being in my room with the doors and windows closed, and I have to keep them open all the time.

But the worst thing is not the size of the room, but those who are in it. I am not complaining about my roommates, mind you. But I have had my own room for at least 8 years, and now I have to share a room with two other persons. It sure takes some adjustment. Being in the same container with 70 other girls is not much of a help either.

Every now and then, someone will come into the room. And somehow, I am just obliged to talk to them, however much I do not feel like talking. I cannot lock my door as I would have done if I were in my own home. Then someone will come in and ask if they can watch my roommate's TV. Of course, again, we are obliged to say yes. I mean, I do not have an option, do I? I do not know what is wrong (or right) with my room, but people just love to 'hang out' here. They will come with their stuff and everything and almost spend the night in my room.

I am not a hermit, of that I am sure. But I suppose you can call me a loner. I love having time to myself. I love 'hanging out' with myself. While I do not mind having other human beings around once in a while, but I do need space and time for myself to be alone, which is something that I am seriously lacking.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to learn to live with it, at least for the next few years. As Melissa said, "The Lord has placed us here for His purpose."

Church hunting

2008-09-30T21:24:00.005-04:00

Never in my life have I dreamt that I will have to go church-hopping and church-hunting. Definitely not here at Liberty! It is indeed ironical that I am church-hunting when I am in a Christian school with two churches meeting on campus. Truth is, the churches here are mega-churches. No, not like KLBC, but at least ten times the size of KLBC! Yes, I mean it literally! It is really hard to get involved in a church that huge, and I do not want to just attend church every Sunday and then leave right after service. Part of my act of worshipping is serving Him, and at the same time, I also believe that it is easier for me to grow in a smaller church.

So, I began church hopping and church hunting. But to tell the truth, I did not quite know what I was looking for. It was unrealistic to look for a church that is exactly like my home church, because I will never find one. Yet, I knew that I had to settle down. Because if you hop for too long, you will soon get tired of it, and you will quit moving altogether. It was then that I found Living Word Baptist Church. It was like KLBCC in some ways, but it is not completely the same either. Let's see:

Similarities:
1. It is about KLBCC's size.
2. It has a lot of children.
3. It has an imperfect worship team. (Praise the Lord for that!)

Differences:
1. It is certainly not as welcoming as KLBCC. But then again, I was at the other end of the welcome.
2. The pastor is never the first one to be in the hall every Sunday.
3. The order of worship is certainly different.

Well, I guess I cannot ask for more. It takes time to get used to something. It took me 18 years to feel absolutely at home in KLBC(C). I guess I have four years to get used to Living Word. Praise the Lord for that!

Life as an Alien... (so far)

2008-09-12T23:20:00.004-04:00

Well, as I have promised, here is the update. As I am writing this, it is September 12th in Virginia, which means that I have been here for one month and six days. This is almost unbelievable! I still cannot get past the fact that I have been away from the place I call home for that long! I guess this is the result of His grace and mercy to me. Always being there for me when I needed Him, or not.

Okay, now brace yourselves for a super long post. (What can you expect from one who has not updated her blog for a month?)

Guess I shall begin with my classes, since they are such a HUGE part of my life now.

General Education (GNED 101): I did not know what to call this subject and how to describe it until Micah calls it a subject that deals with ethics. If that is not plain enough, I'll put it this way: the class teaches you how to think and how to tell what is right and what is wrong, based on the Biblical standpoint, of course. After all, this is Liberty University. And since this is Liberty University, how can salvation and the gospel (something I've been hearing a lot lately! I'm not complaining...) be omitted from the syllabus? So yes, it is in the syllabus. Well, to put it more plainly, it is a Christian Moral class. But the nicest thing about this class is the lecturer. His name is Norman Troy Matthews (but apparently, he hates his first name and hence, goes by his middle name), an American who was raised in Australia. If I do not remember anything else, the only thing I remember about this class is that, on the first day, at the end of the class, he yelled out, "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!", and made us yelled back, "Oink! Oink! Oink!". How crazier can it get?

English (ENGL 101): Obviously, this is an English class. But it is so different from the English classes we have back at home. At least in this class, I was given an essay assignment, but no topic. Basically, I can write whatever I want to write. You may think that this is cool, but it is not, especially when you have to submit three outlines and two drafts before submitting the actual essay. I have written a thousand essays in my life (figuratively!), but I have not written a single outline. But the professor is cute. Can't deny that. She opened my eyes yesterday, by telling the class that 'nice' actually means "stupid or foolish". Nice, huh?

Communications (COMS 101): This is basically a speech class. You learn how to speak, or rather, 'communicate'. I really have nothing much to say about this class, besides the fact that we get extra credits (extra points added to your final grade) by going out front to tell a joke before class begins. So, I went out to tell jokes! Who does not want extra points? (The Americans! kidding...) This is like a freebie! Oh, by the way, I have to give a speech next next week, and I will be talking about the places of interest in Malaysia! Patriotic leh...

Humanities (HUMN 101): Oh... this is a funny class. I have a professor by the name of Dr. Lynn Seipp who is at least 70 years old, and he is a man! Okay, you're probably not laughing, but I always thought that Lynn is a girl's name. Anyway, the first thing he taught us in class is how to pass the attendance sheet, and he had to repeat himself like 2-3 times! Is that cute or what? Well, back to the subject, it is a subject that teaches you to appreciate culture, art, dance, music etc. And our (how I love this pronoun!) Petronas Twin Towers is in my Humanities Textbook! (See, we've finally made a name for ourselves with one of out 'tallest' and 'longest'!) This is actually quite an interesting class, as my professor will sometimes play some instruments in class. (Yes, the 70-year-old man!) Also because I got 100% for my first test for this subject! Oh, and the professor also begins every class with a devotional time.

Bible (BIBL 105): This Bible class that I am taking for this semester is "Survey of the Old Testament". Yes, it sounds like I am in a seminary. Actually, I feel like I am in one. A subject like this sounds like something my Dad did in MBTS. If that is not enough, you should take a look at my textbook. It is as thick as my dictionary, if not thicker! No joke! And it is like reading Middle Eastern history. It is a pretty boring subject, but somehow, my professor (His name is Michael Smith!) made it really interesting. And it also really nice to study the Old Testament as something more than a book of Sunday School stories, but as a book that documents the early history of mankind. Frankly, it's amazing!

Evangelism (EVAN 101): I don't even think that this is a class. It's more like another service (and later you will know why I use the word 'another'), because we start every class with a praise and worship session, and we have guest speakers coming to share their testimonies, and we have altar calls (yes, plural form!) in the class. And did I mention that one of the assignments is to write my testimony?

Well, on a lighter note, I went to a football game! Our first home game for the season, and we won 49-10! My first football game! And if you haven't realised, I am not talking about the football where guys kick a black-and-white ball around. I am talking about American football. And I do not have a single clue how the game goes! I could not even keep track of where the ball went. It's basically a game where you watch a bunch of big guys chasing one big guy holding the ball. So, I just cheered when the rest of the people cheered, and tried to comprehend as much as I can, which is really not much. Well, anyway, I can now claim that I went to watch a game! And I actually stayed till the end of the game without falling asleep! Such an achievement...

Last week we also had Spiritual Emphasis Week (SEW). It's basically a week where we have services every night. Yes, every night! As though six services a week is not enough! (No kidding!) But SEW is evangelistic in nature, and I witness so many people giving their lives at the altar, that I can hardly believe it (literally!). But I guess my Lord is the Lord of the Impossibles. And to kick start SEW, we had an all night of prayer, and my dorm got the last shift of the night (or day), which is from 7-8am. So we woke up at 6.30am to go to the Prayer Chapel which is on the Hill to pray. I do not know about the others, but it was good for me. It was a time when I can really focus on the Lord and fall on my face before Him in petition. Not that I cannot do it on any other day, but sometimes, life has so many things lined up for me that it is hard to be focused. Sometimes it's hard to get through my quiet time without glancing at the clock even once. And I feel guilty! I mean, just imagine if you are talking to me and I keep looking at my watch. How rude is that!

This is getting too long. I shall not kill your interest and patience. Will update more soon. At least for now, I can say that I kept my promise to update my blog!

Officially an Alien!

2008-09-05T21:30:00.002-04:00

So, I am officially an alien! Well, at least an alien on American soil.

It's been so long since I last updated my blog, that I've kinda forgotten that I have a blog. No way! I was kidding.

Many people have been really nice, and I have a thousand and one people asking me how am I, including people whom I never knew cared anything about me (and I wonder where they came from all of a sudden).

But above all else, the one thing that is truly amazing about being an alien, or rather, being on my own, is the extent of God's grace that I have experienced. It's not that I have never experienced His grace before, it is just that, when you are thrown out on your own and you have nowhere to turn to and no one else to go to, you learn to put your trust and your hope solely in Him. And it is then that you really experience the abundance of His Storehouse of Grace.

This past month has been truly amazing, as I witness the Lord of the universe at work in my life. (Can you believe that the God who created the Heavens and the Earth cared enough to look into the life of one out of eleven thousand students in Liberty?!) He never fails to make me stand in awe in His presence.

Well, I do have a lot to thank the Lord for; His grace, His provision, His peace.

That's all for now. I will be back with more details soon. That's a promise, and the last time I checked, I was not a vow-breaker.

Life's a Jigsaw!

2008-07-28T06:15:00.005-04:00

You expected as much from one who is staring at jigsaw pieces twenty-four-seven and who will be doing so for the rest of her days in Malaysia, didn't you?

A piece of 2000-tile jigsaw puzzle may look very intimidating at first sight, but if you're at it long enough, you will realise that the whole puzzle is actually made up of sequences that are repeated over and over again. So, all you have to do is to sort the pieces according to colour and type, identify the sequence of tiles, and everything else will fall into place gradually.

And if you have lived life long enough, you will also realise that life is made up of sets of routines. You wake up early in the morning, go to school, return home when you are done, have your meals, do your work, go to sleep, and you wake up the next morning to begin the routine all over again.

However, the routines are different at every phase of your life. Schooling life has its own routine, working life has another. No two rows of the jigsaw puzzle has the same sequence of tiles. So at the beginning of every new row, you will have to identify the new sequence. This is the hardest part, but once this is done and you've adapted to the new routine, you settle down quite nicely into it.

But there is a twist. Sometimes the sequence is disrupted by the corner tiles. There are slight changes to the established routine, but once in a while, a little variation is a desirable break in the routine. After all, routines are dull, and I cannot imagine my life as a boot camp.

There are times when you have to try all the tiles in order to find that one tile that fits nicely, but there are also times when the first one you pick up is the one that fits. But no matter what, at the end of the day, you will definitely find that perfect piece. A detour or two along the way will do you no harm. You may even learn a thing or two on the way. The most important thing is that you get to your destination in the end.

And the most frustrating times are the times when you seem to have tried every single tile and none of them seems to fit. You are frustrated and you begin to question why on earth are you even sitting here in the first place. No sweat! All you've got to do is to take a deep breath and exhale, and start trying all the tiles all over again. You will somehow realise that, in your exhaustion and impatience, you've missed out the correct tile. Thank God for second chances in life! Although you don't always get to undo past mistakes, there are times in life when you are given 'take-twos'. So just take a break, get yourself refreshed, and do it all over again.

Life is a jigsaw puzzle, but it is by no means puzzling. Because the One who does the puzzle has the Big Picture in His hands. The whole picture is already painted way before the first tile was ever put into place. All He has to do is to fit the correct tile into the correct place, and voila! We have a complete Big Picture at the end of it.

Ah... isn't this enlightening? Life's lessons from a jigsaw! I never knew doing jigsaw puzzle can be so enlightening. So, if anyone wants to be enlightened or is interested to contribute to KLBCC's building-fund by doing jigsaw puzzle, please dial 1800-88-DORC, that is, 1800-88-3672.

Irony of Life

2008-07-25T12:09:00.008-04:00

"If good things lasted forever,

would we appreciate how precious they are?"

-Hobbes

It takes losing something to realise ever having it, and realise how precious it has ever been. Isn't it ironic? Yes, it is another one of the ironies of life.

I am counting the days, realising just how blessed I am, and how precious things are to me. And it suddenly becomes so hard to let go.

The Waiting Room

2008-07-24T10:52:00.007-04:00

"But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

I can definitely endorse the authenticity of this verse. After all, I have been waiting, and am still waiting. All that I do everyday is eat, and sleep, and eat more, and sleep more. It is a wonder if my strength is not renewed.

Waiting has been a significant part of my life.

I still remember the last time I was waiting, I sank into a spell of depression and self-pity. It was not the most pleasant and proudest period of my life, and yet the irony of it was that it came after a huge victory. I guess when you are waiting, you just have so much time on your hands, so much so that you have nothing better to do than to let your thoughts wander into some forbidden region of your mind. You begin to think about everything that never even occurred to you when you had busier days. For me, my thoughts wandered to my loss and my failure.

Fancy mentioning these two words right after a major victory, huh? But yes, my thoughts chose to dwell on all that I was unable to grasp. I thought about all the plans I had for myself, all the plans which did not materialise. I thought about the uncertainty of what lies ahead of me. I was waiting, but I did not know what I was waiting for.

But in spite of it all, the promise of Isaiah 40:31 was waiting to be claimed. And it was proven true. The waiting was not in vain. The Lord on whom I was waiting led me to open doors that I never knew existed. While I was waiting, He was working.

Now I find myself waiting again. But this time round, it is different. I am not dwelling in uncertainty. I know where I am heading to. Still, I find my thoughts wandering to unfamiliar grounds. I reflect on all that is in and around my life. I reflect on all the little wonders surrounding me, things and people that I never had time for. And I realise just how blessed I am.

I have come to realise that waiting can be fruitful. The waiting room can be surrounded by four walls, with seemingly nothing. But it is what you do in that little room, and how you use the time, that make a difference. While I wait on Him, I know I wait in expectancy on Him, and when my strength is renewed in Him, I will run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint.

Waiting has been a significant part of my life, and it will continue to be.

Wonders of the Present

2008-07-07T11:38:00.018-04:00

Here's another reason why I love Calvin and Hobbes!

"Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly.

We are so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us

that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are."

-Calvin

Now this is so true! Especially for me. And especially when I will only be where I am for one more month.

So, carpe diem, amigo!

Superpower Craze

2008-07-01T23:11:00.003-04:00

I really think that our society is obsessed with superheroes and superpowers. From the classic Superman, Batman and Spiderman, to the more modern version found in 'Heroes', we never fail to engage ourselves in the fantasy of possessing superpowers.

So I was watching a beauty pageant on TV, and one of the judges asked one of the contestants that, if she were to have one superpower, what would it be, and why. That's like given a permit to dwell in her fantasy. After all, who does not dream of having superpowers? In fact, the more the better.

Of course, one of the most desirable superpowers is time-travelling. This is pretty obvious, especially as propagated by Hollywood. From 'Back To The Future' to 'Heroes', time-travelling never fails to enthral people like you and I, who are trapped in the present time. How often have I sat and thought about what I can and want to change if I can only go back in time! I want to undo a relationship. I want to make the right decisions. I want to blot out a certain period of time on my life. Oh! There are just a hundred and one things I want to undo, if only I can turn back time.

Or do I? Maybe not.

After all, all that I have been through has become a part of who I am today. As unpleasant as they may be, they have made me who I am today. There is always a lesson to be learned even out of the most unpleasant experience. I would have been a totally different person today if not for all that I have been through in the past. So, maybe I don't want to travel back in time after all.

And the second most desirable superpower, is probably immortality. I know this for a fact because mere mortals of all times have asked for immortality in one way or another. Shi Huang Ti, as wise as he was, was stupid enough to send a troop in search of the medicine that gives him eternal youth. And of course, not to mention Claire's (the cheerleader in 'Heroes') power of regeneration. I mean, who does not want to live forever?

Or do we? I doubt it.

Yea, sure I want to see my children grow old and watch my grandchildren grow up. But there will come a time in life when we think that we have seen all there is to see, and then, death will become a welcoming end. Life and death are parts of the human experience. Death is just as essential an ending as life is the beginning. I am not sure if I really want to live forever, when everything around me is fading away. Because the thing that is scarier and more painful than death itself is losing the ones you love, and having to watch it take place before your very own eyes.

"So, if you were to have one superpower, what would it be, and why?"

If I were to have but one superpower, I want to have the ability to live my present to the fullest, seizing every moment of my life. Because the present is the most wonderful gift of God that I will never have again. That's why I will not squander even one second away. So that when the end comes, I am well-prepared, knowing that I have no regrets.

Narnia: Prince Caspian

2008-06-28T12:11:00.010-04:00

Okay, maybe it’s a little late for a post on Narnia: Prince Caspian. But better late than never, right? No, my dad was not sitting at the edge of his chair in the cinema like he did for the first Narnia movie, but we all agreed that this one is definitely better than the first one.

So throughout the movie I was busy typing into my handphone. I was not sending SMSes, mind you. I am a law abiding citizen. But I was taking down some of the quotes that I find interesting.

Here’s one, from the scene when Lucy first met Aslan. She was telling Him how she thought she saw Him, while the others brushed it off as an illusion. And His reply was this:

“And why did that stop you from coming to me?”

If I were in Lucy’s place, I would have felt a hard smack on the face. This is a classic example of how we always put the blame on others when things go wrong. Just like in the very beginning. Just like Eve. I thought that I’m more righteous and more worthy of praise than the others, because I believed. Truth is, if my faith was strong enough, I would have taken action, since faith without action is nothing. But like Lucy, when people around started doubting me, I started doubting myself too. And this held me back from taking the required action. This is just as bad as not believing at all. In the end, I am the one to be blamed for doubting my own faith. It’s my fault and no one else’s.

Here’s another one, from the scene when Aslan appoints Prince Caspian as the next King of Narnia:

“Caspian: I do not think I am ready.

Aslan: And for that reason, I know you are.”

It is a wonder how God never calls one who thinks that he is ‘ready and well-equipped’, but one who thinks that he does not have it takes to do the job. Like young David. Like King Josiah. Maybe because it is when we realize our own shortcomings and insufficiencies, that we learn to trust in His superior knowledge and to draw strength from Him. It is time I realize and recognize the fact that, without Him, I am nothing and can do nothing. Then, I’ll be ready for what He has in store for me. Well, maybe not to be Queen, but I wouldn’t mind being one.

And then this one came as a good reminder:

“Susan: Why do you think I didn’t see Aslan?
Lucy: Maybe you didn’t want to?”

How true is that! We want to seek God’s counsel. We want to hear Him. We want an answer and a direction from Him. But at times, He just seems so silent. Too silent, as though He is non-existent. Truth is, he is always there for us. Maybe we even heard it. We just denied it because the answer He gave is not the one we wanted and expected. I should know. How often have I denied His voice just because He was not saying what I wanted Him to. It’s not that I didn’t see Him, I just didn’t want to.

And this next one came as a strong blow that struck me and woke me up. From the scene in which the rat (whatever his name was) found out that he lost his tail:

“Aslan: Perhaps you think too much of your honour.”

I am guilty of this one. Hey! Serving God is not about me or my honour. It never is. How easy it is for me to focus on how well I do my job, and how it reflects on my character, so much so that I have lost sight of the sole purpose to please my Lord, and forgot that His power is made perfect in my weakness. Perhaps I think too much of my honour and not His.

So, bottom line is, if you missed Narnia, go watch it! Nah.... It's just that C. S. Lewis has such a great mind! I mean, he managed to tell the story of Christ on Malaysia's silverscreen! Well, it takes a great mind to do the job.

Muhibbah

2008-06-22T08:49:00.000-04:00

Being Malaysians, we are no strangers to the word 'Muhibbah'. In fact, we are all too familiar with it. Day in day out, we hear of the word so often. Everyone whose face appears on the front cover of the newspaper preaches about Muhibbah and racial unity. But do we know the true implications of this word? More importantly, do those who are preaching it know what this word really means?

As I walk to the LRT station every morning to take the train to college, I always enjoy seeing the group of women who gathers at the station parking lot to do their routine of tai-chi aerobic (I don't know what exactly that is, but it sure looks like a mixture of tai-chi and aerobic to me!). They just enjoy doing what they are doing, completely oblivious to the stares of curios passers-by. Some are clad in tudung, some have pottu, while others just look like modern mums from Desperate Housewives. Who cares about the differences? They are happy in their own little world.

This is Muhibbah.

Then my family and I walk into a hawker stall, and my Dad starts calling for Samy to take order. He's the guy who works at the mamak stall next to the stall we are dining in. As he comes, he talks to my Dad about everything, from making lame jokes to gossipping about Samyvelu, the big MIC guy who happens to share the same name. They speak in a Malay language that native speakers will never understand, but which amazingly, both of them understand very well. After all, we are Malaysians. We speak only to get our message across, regardless of whether we are grammatically or linguistically correct. Then they will burst into laughter, like they are old friends sharing some old private jokes. And this leaves us all wondering what's going on between them.

That is Muhibbah.

And when I'm done with my meal at Steven's Corner and ask for my bill, I hear a guy counting and asking me in fluent Cantonese what I had for my meal. I turn and look, only to be looking into the eyes of an Indian man. If I am blind, I would think that I am speaking to a Chinese. Oh well, anyway, who cares. We understand each other perfectly well, and he speaks Cantonese as though it is the most common thing in the world.

Now, that is Muhibbah.

Muhibbah sounds like a really big word, or maybe it is just made to sound like a huge one. Truth is, true Muhibbah is found in the most common places, amongst the most common people. I guess the big shots have a really precious lesson to be learnt from the common people.

Surprised by Joy

2008-06-21T08:15:00.001-04:00

It was odd, to walk past her as though I didn’t notice her presence, staring at her out of the corners of my eyes, only to find myself turning back and walking again in her direction. Something in me made me turn back, but I cannot put my fingers on what exactly was it.

I did it, anyway. I bought it. I stooped down and I gave it to her. Then I saw it on her face- the smile that was generously written all over her face. She muttered something. Something I didn’t quite understand. But it didn’t matter.

All that took merely a minute. No, it didn’t seem like forever. It felt like what it was- just a minute and nothing more. Then I just walked away casually, like nothing happened.

It must have been quite a sight. After all, anything out of the ordinary does create a scene. Eyes must have been looking. Or maybe not. Lips must have been whispering. Or maybe not. Minds must have been wondering. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I didn’t look. I don’t to care to know. I didn’t have time to look. I just walked away casually, like nothing happened.

As I was walking away, I felt the surge of emotions: of Wonder and Amazement at what I’ve just done; of Joy, in seeing hers, and in knowing that I’ve finally done it. It wasn’t so hard, was it?

I was surprised by joy, finding it in the most unlikely places. But the question that remains to be asked is this: Why did it take me so long?

Let's do away with exams!

2008-06-19T09:13:00.001-04:00

Exams! Who ever invented such a thing? It’s the Chinese, isn’t it? I know it’s to test your academic ability and how far you’ve progressed academically, but does it really do that? I mean, you study for a year or two, and then finally your fate lies in the hands of a two-hour paper! What’s the logic of it?

And then there’s always the element of luck. Okay, I know we don’t do luck, but I’m referring to that element in life that lies beyond human control. So call it whatever you want. Divine destiny, maybe? Truth is, sometimes during exams, some things are just out of your control. Like falling sick during an exam period, or getting a super-hard question, or maybe even reading the time wrongly. So you just flop your exam for that simple reason, and it’s the end of the world. How unfair!

Oh, and in standardized test, you don’t even know who marks your paper, and how they do it. You may unfortunately get a lousy examiner, who unfortunately marks your paper wrongly, and there goes your paper, and your future! All that you’ve been labouring for for the past two years… gone, just like that!

So much depends on the paper alone. Too much! It’s like a dice that can either lead you to a box that says, “Congratulations! You’ve won”, or to one that says, “Move backwards 3 steps.” The bottom line is this: exams take the fun out of learning. Just imagine how fun school would be if not for exams. We can then learn because we enjoy learning, and not learn to sit for exams. So, let’s do away with exams!!

Okay… okay! Yes, I am suffering from PET (Post-Exam Trauma) resulting in AES (Anti-Exam Syndrome). Oh well, I’m just glad that it’s over now, at least for this one and a half months. And I praise the Lord that I am still alive. Hallellujah!

So, who cares to join me in calling for exams to be done away with?

So me!

2008-06-18T08:15:00.003-04:00

So, I am a huge fan of Calvin and Hobbes, and this really caught my attention!

Actually, sometimes I've got the same questions about God too. But aren't we all like that at one point of time or another? I guess there are times when you just have to cling on to nothing else but faith.

My Voice

2008-05-24T01:30:00.004-04:00

I've finally found my voice. Not that I have lost it, but it was just suppressed. So, before I clam up again, I'd better get the words out. Right here right now, I just a few words to say to a couple of people.

To the earthquake victims in Sichuan:
It breaks my heart to see the death toll increasing. My heart goes out to all you guys. How I wish that I can do more to help. If only I have the capability, I want to go and search through the rubble for survivors, and adopt a kid or two. But as of now, all I can do is to keep you guys in my prayers, and I believe that prayers move the hand of God to do mightier things- things that are way beyond my imagination.

To the victims of the cyclone in Myanmar:
Keep fighting! Fight for your survival. Fight for your rights. Fight for your freedom. The Junta is not God and they don't hold your destiny in their hands. You do, and God does!

To the Chapmans:
I may never understand all that you guys are going through right now, but I do believe that our God is still in control.

To our dear Dr. M:
Sir, I used to respect you a lot, and I must say that I still do. But you have had your time and and you have had the opportunity to do things your way. Right now, it's time for you to keep your thoughts to yourself and step back to let others do things their way and make their own mistakes and learn from them, just as you have learned from yours, or at least so I hope.

To Munirah:
Please keep your mouth shut until you've found your senses! Our uniform is not sexy! Do you expect us to go to school covered in black from head to toe?!

To the Pasir Mas MP:
Teach the women to accept polygamy?! Do you know what are you talking about? Stop viewing women as sexual objects created to fulfill the men's sexual desires! It's high time to call for the men to be taught some self-control.

There! I've said it all. I was supposed to abstain from blogging until I'm done with my exams (that accounts for the inactivity of my blog lately), but keeping my thoughts to myself is just so hard. So, there! I've finally let it all out. The next time you hear from me will probably be the end of June, and by then, I'll be truly MERDEKA!!

Surprised by God

2008-03-25T10:34:00.003-04:00

So, I am surprised by God... once again. Was it unexpected? No. Was I caught offguard? Yes. How is that even possible? Don't ask me, I don't know. Humans are just bundles of contradictions, and that is really what I am.

Sometimes, I just wish that He quits jumping out from behind the bush, because I really thought I was going to have a heart attack everytime He does that. But at times, I am also thrilled at the idea of Him showing up at my doorstep with flowers on an unexpected day.

However, I have come to realise that they all come in a package. There is no picking out just the good ones nor can you dismiss the not-so-good ones. They are all in the same package. It is a situation where you either take it, or you leave it.

Yet everytime, just as I thought I was sure of my destination, He took me on a detour. He brought me up to the mountain peak and down to the valley deep. He took me for a walk in the rose garden; I smelled some roses and pricked my fingers.

But there are two things that I can always know for sure: 1) I always gain something from the experience, be it a pleasant surprise or not-so-pleasant one. It is either a fresh scent of roses or a bloody finger. 2) If He leads me to it, He always leads me through it!

Perhaps it's time to brace myself for more surprises in the future!

when sweet turns sour

2008-02-14T02:30:00.001-05:00

Most people dread to be alone. But I, on the other hand, like to be alone today. I am extremely glad and thankful to be alone.

Because I know far too well what it means when sweet turns sour. I know how bad it tastes. It even leaves an after taste in the mouth and reminds you of the thing that is long gone.

Now, I am happy to be free and alone again.... till I find the only sweetness that will last forever.

What's in a Name?

2008-02-11T23:46:00.002-05:00

Funny how people's names change over time.

Before they get married, it's 'dear', 'darling' and 'sayang'.

After they get married, all the sweet terms are dropped.

After they have children, they become 'Mummy' or 'Daddy'.

When the children are gone and they are all alone again, it's 'Old Man' or 'Old Woman'.... or worse still, 'lou ye' (loosely translated, old thing)

How strange.... how very strange!

Bundles of Joy

2008-02-05T00:05:00.001-05:00

I was making my way down the steps of the spoiled escalator and he was right beside me, struggling to make his way down the steps which were a little too huge for him. As my right hand was hanging idly between the both of us, he conveniently reached out for it, and tightly gripped two of my fingers. With his right hand on the railing, he slowly conquered the giant steps with my help. Just as he felt he could do it on his own and was about to let go of the extra hand, he lost his balance and almost fell. My heart skipped a beat and I almost cried out, but he instinctively grabbed hold of my hand again, and I held it so tightly that I thought I was never going to let go.

However, feeling something was amiss, he turned to check out the owner of the extra hand, and seeing a total stranger who simply greeted him with an unfamiliar 'hello' instead of his Dad, he stared for a second or two, let go of my hand, and climbed up the stairs again to his Dad.

It all happened in just a few minutes of my life and he was a total stranger, yet I relive the memory of those moments so vividly. There is an indescribable joy in holding the hand of a little one, helping and guiding him along the way.

When my Mum quitted her 21-year-old job as an accounts clerk to help in the church kindergarten, I could not understand why would one do that. True, it is a ministry and she is serving God and not man. But why this job? This is perhaps one of the most tiring and dirty jobs. Setting aside the low pay, I still could not imagine why someone was willing to give up an office job in exchange for an 8.30am-to-8.30pm job, working with a bunch of kiddos.

But everytime she comes back home, she is always full of stories, of how the kids did this and the kids did that. Whenever she talks about them, I thought I saw a sparkle in her eyes, and all the weariness of the day just disappeared. It was then that I realised that she has found something special that none of us will ever understand. Something so special that it makes all her physical and mental weariness seem worthwhile. Just to see a kid smile at her after having pronounced a word correctly makes everything else melts away.

I realised that she did not exchange her 21-year-old job for 12 hours of labour everyday, but instead, she has exchanged it for Bundles of Joy.

Vanity strikes

2008-02-03T09:14:00.000-05:00

La vanité!* Vanity has always been a 'female word', in that it has always been associated with the female gender. The classic complaint has been that girls spend hours preparing themselves before a date. They spend what seems like eternity just to get dressed. Then, of course the window shoppings... they can walk for hours in a mall, and end up buying nothing at all. And the make up... Shakespeare has this to say,

"I have heard of your paintings too well enough.

God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another."

Recently, vanity has stricken again! And this time, the guys get their fair share of it. If you think that you cannot stand the female version of vanity, wait till you experience first hand the male version of it.

Who wakes up early in the morning just to get showered and have their hair gelled? Who applies deodorant even when they are at home? Who diligently cleanses his face more than once a day so that not even one spot of pimple can be seen? Who dons accessories like almost everytime he steps out of the house? Who takes hundreds of self-portraits?!! Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against photography, but staring into the camera and snapping pictures of yourself? And hundreds of them too?!!

Okay! Enough!!! See what I mean?

Oh Vanity, thou art a disease that gradually sweeps through the land. Thy grip is strong and thy hand seizes hold of any being within thine reach.

Le vanité!* See? Vanity is no longer a girl-word. In fact, I think it is more of a guy-word than it is a girl-word. Well, at least I don't spend lots of time getting dressed in the morning....

*vanité French for vanity; La French article for female noun; Le French article for male noun

Imperfections

2008-02-02T08:36:00.001-05:00

Affluence has elevated us to a position where we can no longer tolerate even the slightest imperfection. Only perfectly undented cans, perfectly crease-free books, and perfectly symmetrical garments ever go into our shopping carts. We think that we deserve the best goods for the money we've paid.

Then, we apply the same standard to other things. We only want and will only make perfectly beautiful babies. People even go to the extent of seeking scientific help in order to make that possible. They select the best genes to be passed on to the next generation, in the hope that they will create babies as special and as talented as Yao Ming.

But what if God still decides to give us a slightly less-than-perfect child? Will we still be able to call her a Gift of Grace? Will we be able to look into her eyes and see beauty beyond description? Can we look into her face and see the image of God? Or do we see an ugly little monster staring back at us?

I was born with some imperfections of my own. I was born with a retarded mind, so much so that I cannot understand most of the things He is trying to tell me. I have too big a head, and I think that I can do things without His help. My hearing is slightly impaired. I cannot hear Him speaking to me most of the time, and very often, He had to resort to yelling at me. I suffer from severe short-sightedness. I can never see beyond the present. I have too loud a mouth, and time and again, I have said things that are a little less than pleasant to my Creator. My hands have too strong a grip, and I have problem letting go of things. I am faint-hearted. I easily lose faith and get discouraged over and over again. My legs are so long that sometimes I run too fast and too far away from where He wants me to be. I am the embodiment of Imperfections.

Yet, He has called me a Child of Grace. Yet, He said that I was "fearfully and wonderfully made". Yet, He has picked me up and clothed me in His love and His righteousness. Yet, He had chosen to lay down His life for a bundle of Imperfections.

He must have had a different definition of the word 'perfection'. Or else, He must have seen something that I could not see. Or perhaps, He has looked at me through a different pair of lenses; a pair of lenses that tranforms Imperfections to Perfections.

Survival

2008-01-31T01:02:00.009-05:00

Survivor is back!! And this time it is in Xinjiang, China. Okay, I may be a lil' outdated, but pardon me, as I don't have AXN at home. Anyway, let's rejoice!! Survivor is back!!

So, before the game began, all the contestants were brought to a Buddhist temple to 'perform a ritual'. Jeff said that it was not an act of worship, but it was just a way for the Chinese to welcome them onto Chinese soil.

But to my horror, after they entered the temple, they were made to hold jostick and kneel and bow (as in literally-put-their-face-to-the-ground kind of bow) to the huge gold statue! Half way through the 'ritual', there was a girl by the name of Leslie who ran out of the temple with tears streaming down her eyes and said she could not do it.

When asked by Jeff why didn't she do it even though he said it was not an act of worship, she said this one thing that made me feel so proud of her,

"I will only put my face to the ground for my Jesus."

Way to go, girl!

Now I truly understand how 'reality TV' got its name. It is a reflection of reality, of what is happening in the real world, of what is happening all around us. And Survivor is definitely nothing short of a microcosm of the world at large. After all, we are indeed fighting for survival, aren't we?

Let's see.... we are fighting for survival in the workplace (who wants to be the first to go when it's retrenchment time?); we are fighting for survival in the family (everyone wants to outdo their siblings!); we are fighting for survival in our spiritual lives, in the midst of a world that is choosing to deny the existence of God (and unfortunately, many are losing the fight...); and we are fighting for survival in life itself. Everyone tries to outplay, outwit and outlast each other, so as not to be the outcast.

Inevitably, there are people of stronger character who are born leaders, and there are those who naturally sink into the background and play the flower pots. Yet, everyone in their own ways seek to be the winner. Some resort to scheming and others to making alliances, only to turn on their allies in the end.

Then, there is the element of fate that comes into play. The game suddenly takes a different turn, and no one has seen it coming. Suddenly, the two groups are merged into one. Suddenly, you are diagnosed with a fatal disease and the doctor says that you have only one more month to live. Suddenly, you are told that the company does not need you anymore, just when you were eyeing on that empty manager seat. Suddenly, the one you love is leaving you for good. All the plans that you have laid out so perfectly before have to be put to rest now. All is lost. You are lost.

And things get even more tensed when the game is coming to an end. People start to turn against one another in order to save their own backs. Alliances are broken. Promises are broken. Friendships are broken. And you wonder if your heart is gonna be next. Yet, you eventually realise that you still need the people against whom you've turned your back. So you try to mend fences, hoping all is not too late. But a mended piece of clothing is never the same as a brand new one.

All these just for the reward. How much does the reward worth anyway? $1 million? Yet, you have purchased it with your integrity and your conscience. What have you really won in the end?

Of course, you think to yourself, if only you can play the game all over again, you will play the game differently. You will proceed with a different strategy altogether. You will not make the same mistakes the others have made. If only you are given a second chance, things will definitely be different.

But then again, how many of us are given a second chance?

However, it is always a comfort to know that, in spite of it all, the Game Master is still in control. This is but a Game of Life. All is still well.... or at least so we hope.

say Nay!

2008-01-29T23:54:00.001-05:00

When I first joined college, the moment I walked into the first Christian Fellowship meeting, I promised myself not to get involved too actively. I wanted to just 'blend in' and remain in the background. I wanted to sit back and relax and for once be the 'audience'. I was too tired and worn out after years of serving Him.

Of course, my God has never failed to surprise me. While I dreamed of relaxing and doing nothing, He has other greater plans for me, as always. Needless to say, I found myself on the front stage once again.

It has been more than one and a half years now, and I certainly cannot deny the joy that I've found in serving Him. These three semesters have been more than just spiritual growth for me, for I was blessed with lots of fellow brothers and sisters who have helped me grow spiritually and have also inspired me to serve Him with even greater passion.

As I look back now, I laugh at my own folly. I have come to realise that there is no such thing as a retirement or anything of that sort, not even a vacation, when your boss is the Big Guy up there. Because the purpose of this life that you are living is to serve Him and Him alone. Retirement comes when you cease being. So, when I said that I just wanted to sit back and relax and be the audience, it was equivalent to saying that I was fed up serving Him, tired of living out the purpose of my life. Now, how stupid does that sound....? And oh, by the way, the audience of one in this show is also my Big Boss up there. So who am I to say that I want to be in the audience?

Again, looking back now, I am glad that I did not say Nay! when He placed me where He wanted me to be. Right now, I just feel like putting my face to the ground for Him!

something crazy

2008-01-28T04:00:00.000-05:00

Recently I have been blessed with Steven Curtis Chapman's This Moment. One of the songs in the album is 'Something Crazy'. The chorus goes like this:

And it's crazy when love gets a hold of you

And it's crazy things that love will make you do

And it's crazy but it's true

You really don't know love at all

Till it's making you do something crazy

Talking about something crazy.... I've always dreamt of doing something crazy. Something really crazy like getting that homeless man in Taman Muda cleaned up and giving him some clothes; buying lunch for the beggars that lined the streets in Plaza Rakyat; sponsoring that cute little girl I saw on World Vision's website; helping that old lady I saw at the LRT station carry her bags down the stairs; giving that man with only RM 20 in his bank account some money.

However, every time these thoughts cross my mind, my mind immediately generates an automatic excuse to brush off such thoughts. It is as though that was a reflex. I wanted to do something crazy, yet physically, it seems as though there were some unspoken rules and unseen barriers withholding me.

It's dangerous to talk to strangers; some of these people won't even be grateful to me; I'm too young to do any such things; what will people think of me?

Well, I guess Love has yet to get a hold of me. Or perhaps I really don't know Love at all.

Journey of Madness

2008-01-26T04:30:00.000-05:00

This is a journey of madness. A journey that goes beyond all reason and logic. A journey I've been on for a very long time, so long that at times I've forgotten how I began in the first place. Sometimes, along the way I pause, and I take a long hard look at how far I've come. And I give myself a pat on the back. A much needed pat to spur myself on. Sometimes, along the way I pause and I take a good long look, only to realise that I've not travelled that far after all.

But then again, how do I measure the distance? By whose yardstick do I measure it? Do I have to fall on my knees with tears streaming down my face somewhere along the way just to leave a landmark?

It has been so long now, that I can no longer remember how hard it was to get the journey started, or perhaps there was no hardship at all when the journey began. I can hardly remember how it all began. Yet, I was reminded of it time and again, so that I do not lose sight of my destination.

I was told that the mountains and valleys along the way help you grow and that they keep you fit for the rest of the journey. But what if there were no mountains and no valleys? Do you still grow? Or perhaps there were. Perhaps I got so used to them that they just became yet another routine for me. Perhaps I got around them instead of getting over them.

Of course, I wonder just what does it take to get over the mountains and the valleys. Maybe I'll have to leave some bags behind. Maybe I'll have to leave all my bags behind. Just how much am I willing to leave behind when the time comes? That question still remains.

living to die or dying to live?

2008-01-23T23:28:00.000-05:00

According to my dad, according to an article he read, palm trees continue to live and grow as long as they do not bear fruit. The moment they bear fruit, they will self-terminate. According to the article, there's a species of palm trees in Madagascar that bear fruits only once in a hundred years, and then after that, death becomes inevitable. They live for a hundred years to fulfill their purpose, then they die. In other words, those trees literally live to die.

If living for Christ means living to die, so be it. But let's not be dying to live a life that has no purpose. For a tree that does not bear fruit is "cut down and thrown into the fire".
I've heard of people who are dying to live, but living to die? Never heard of it. So often people are struggling to survive. People try so hard to stay alive that they've forgotten the purpose of living. What good is a palm tree if it doesn't bear palm fruit? So what if it lives up to hundreds of years?

Psalms 119:175 says this, "Let me live that I may praise you...". This was David's proclamation. Let this be our proclamation as well. Let us live to fulfill the purpose of our very lives: to extol the creator. It may be through our deeds, but it may also be through our deaths.

"20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed,

but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body,

whether by life or by death.

21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me."

Phillipians 1: 20-22

If living for Christ means living to die, so be it. But let's not be dying to live a life that has no purpose. For a tree that does not bear fruit is "cut down and thrown into the fire".

vingt!

2008-01-21T22:50:00.001-05:00

Moving into 2008 has been, well, a little traumatic for me, as I'll be turning twenty this year. Okay, I am being a lil' dramatic, but then again, the thought of turning twenty kinda haunts me, although I am still about ten months away from actually being twenty. Just imagine, my age now starts with the number 2! Is that scary or what... Okay, I am dramatic!

The beginning of a new year means making resolutions. Everyone seems to be still talking about it although we are almost one month into 2008 already. I used to make them too, but some time back, I quited making resolutions for the simple reason of not being able to follow them through. Not so much because I did not have the determination, but because very often, along the way, my plans have to be changed because He has a different plan for me. So, I just quit setting goals for myself and await to be surprised by God instead. And if I have to eliminate some bad habits, I guess I don't have to wait for a new year to do so. Everyday is a new beginning!

But since I'll be twenty this year, I guess I must have some long-term goals. Not so much of a goal goal, but more of a dream or an ambition, or whatever you wanna call it. It's just a word after all. Maybe in other words, they are just the things that I wanna do before I am thirty.

1. Serve on MV Doulos! My parents think that I wouldn't be able to survive there...

2. Step out of the familiar to explore the world.... Hopefully I'll get to do this come August!

3. Do something crazy for Jesus!! Like adopting a kid or helping a stranger, maybe?

4. Do something extreme! Anyone in for bungee jumping?

5. Find that someone amazing.

...... and last but not least: Be nice. Scratching your head? Well, when you come to think of it,

being nice is not so easy after all! Well I sure hope it doesn't take me the next ten years to achieve this last one.

can't live without

2008-01-18T11:42:00.001-05:00

One never knows the value of someone or something until one loses it. How true that is! I can testify first hand, that's for sure.

It was only for a day. Yet I felt as though I was totally disconnected with the rest of the world. Actually I literally was. For one whole day (one day only? sure seemed longer), there was no one to wake me up for college, no one to remind me that it's time for TVB Drama, or to tell me that my time is running short. Worst of all, I felt so lonely and lost for a whole day, as though I was the only one left on Earth.

Well, if you haven't realised by now, I am talking about my handphone. I left it in college. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I got it back the next day. So, for one day, I had no contact with the outside world, because my parents' numbers are the only ones I remember by heart. There was no one to wake me up, because my handphone is also my only alarm clock. Oh, by the way, it functions as my watch too!

I truly did not realise how reliant I was on that little peanut-shape machine until I lost it. I did not own a mobile phone couples of years back, so what's the big deal now? But apparently, not having something before is way better than having it only to lose it again, as I have come to realise.

News Year!!

2008-01-03T00:38:00.000-05:00

It's new year, and we already have the news of the year (if not video of the year)! Scandals! Interesting.... but not exactly the best way to welcome the new year though. And so very near election too! Let us get on our knees and pray very fervently for Malaysia.

Indeed, a very precious object lesson taught by the Health Minister: Kids, stay clean! Stay very CLEAN! Unfortunately, it's a very costly one too... Well, lesson learned and lesson taught. What more can be said?

However, in the midst of all these, let us not ignore the other lesson that is also to be learned: Own up and face the consequences! Although I cannot help but to express my disappointment and disapproval, I must say that credit has to be given to him for his courage to confess, his guts to admit fault, and his bravery to bear whatever consequences that come his way.

So, let us rest our case against him and allow him to silently find his way out of this mess. After all, the lesson is broadcasted loud and clear enough for all to hear and learn.

as the clock ticks....

2007-12-30T20:52:00.000-05:00

As the clock ticks, it seems as though it is ticking ever so slowly. I was told that there is joy in waiting. Because the best is still yet to come. Because what lies ahead is far better than what is. Because there is also joy and excitement to be discovered in this period of anticipation. Above all, because the subject of all my anticipation is definitely worth anticipating!

Of course, this is easier said than done, as in most cases. Seeing others having found and was found sure makes me wonder when will it be my turn, or will it ever....

Then other questions keep pouring in. What if I stumble upon one? What will I do? Wait a minute... how do I know the right one in the first place? Because I, for one, do not believe in casualness. It's all or nothing!

Yet, there is a part of me hidden deep within that secretly longs for momentary satisfaction. Even just a spark of the moment will be sufficient.

Then I turn around and condemn myself for the folly of being overcome by a passion of the moment.

I guess the time will come... someday. As the clock continues to tick, there is nothing much to be done, since there is no way to make it tick faster. I can sure adjust the clock by screwing the back of it, but then, that would be cheating. Worse still, I would have been cheating myself! How totally absurd that will be...

So, I guess, this is the time of patient anticipation, of fervent and wise prayers and of much needed growth.

What the ads are telling us....

2007-12-27T02:55:00.000-05:00

Every single one of the mainstream media is bombarding us with advertisements of all sorts, promoting all kinds of products and services, while at the same time promoting certain values. I can't help but to notice some very interesting advertisements that really caught my attention.

On radio: Guy coughing. "Why are you coughing so badly?" says a friend. "Yea, I've had some late nights entertaining clients in pubs. Can't help it. It's for my business," was the reply. Then the friend said, "You know, smoking and drinking is not good for your health, especially your liver. You should take Thompson Liverin. It's good for your liver."

And the message, my friends, is this: It is OK to smoke and drink. It is part of the world today. Just remember to take Thompson Liverin. I was wondering, if it is really so good, why are so many still dying of liver cancer?

On TV: Guy 'captures' the beauty of his wife with his hand and places it to his heart. He repeats this gesture in a number of scenarios. The secret of her beauty is Fair and Lovely, a facial care product. Then one day, the couple argues and the wife hides in the bedroom and starts crying. She pushes the facial cream away. Husband walks in, sees her beautiful face in the mirror, and once again gestures to capture her beauty. Wife smiles, holds the facial cream in her hands, and the couple reconciles.

And this advertisement, my friends, is saying that, a relationship is built mainly on outward appearance. It is important to look nice, because this will help you solve your marital problems. Of course, I wonder why are there so many wrecked marriages. Maybe she didn't use Fair and Lovely. Oh, but what happens when she turns fifty? Maybe they'll file a divorce then.

On TV: Some kids are drawing and playing tic-tac-toe on the wall. Mother smiles at a distance and says that it is alright. Why? Because she uses a paint the surface of which can be easily cleaned. So after the kids left, she walks over and gently wipes away the crayon marks.

So, it's okay to pick up a pen to scribble and draw and write on anywhere you like, so long as the surface is painted with that paint. Unfortunately, kids cannot differentiate such surfaces, and they thought that they can paint on wherever and whatever they like. As they grow older, they pick up cans of spray paints and spray graffiti all over the place, on walls along the streets, on private properties and on public amenities.

On TV: Girl who uses Head n Shoulder snuggles up close to a boy who sits next to her in the bus. Boy turns over, sees her head almost on his shoulder but does not mind. Because she uses Head n Shoulder. So, her scalp is dandruff-free.

Boys and girls, it's okay to flirt with a person of the opposite gender who is not even known to you. Well, just remember to use Head n Shoulder to make sure your scalp is dandruff-free, or the guy/ girl will flee from you. It is no wonder why there are so many pre-marital pregnancies nowadays!

I would like to go on, but I'm just afraid that this post will be a never-ending one. There are just so many advertisements today promoting 'values' that are not coherent to our culture and our values. Too many, in fact, are preaching the message that it is alright to do this and that it is okay to do that as long as you have our products, without even considering the effects these messages are having on the youngsters of today and the impact they have on our society as a whole. And our censorship board is busy fretting over movies like The Passion of Christ and Amazing Grace because they are 'too religious'. Well, thanks to what the media is propagating, our society has become what it is today!

Eventful December

2007-12-25T05:31:00.000-05:00

If I were to attempt to blog about every single thing that has happened this December in this post, my post will most probably be as long as the Great Wall of China. Hence, I shall not attempt so. However, I definitely can't wait to share all that has happened in this short and amazing month. I may probably do so in a number of posts... or not.

Let's begin with a checklist of all that has taken place in December 2007:

College... check

Homework... check

LIFE Game Camp... check

Ipoh... check

Hospital... check

Funeral service... check

Memorial service... check

Christmas party... check

Christmas countdown... check

New friends... check

Admission offers... check

Laughter... check

Tears... check

Frustration... check

Dates.... unchecked

Okay, fourteen out of fifteen ain't bad!!

holidays!... or holidays?

2007-11-30T11:40:00.000-05:00

I am officially on holiday! Well, 'officially' does not always mean 'actually'. And in this case, it certainly does not. There are so many things lined up for my holiday... Let's see....

do one essay per day for Law
attend extra classes for Literature (that means having to go back to college)
study for Literature Unit 4 exam in January
study for Economics resit papers in January
Christmas (= presentations and events)
Life Game Camp

Some holiday, huh? One thing's for sure, though: it's gonna be 'action-packed'!

Blessing from Above

2007-11-27T03:04:00.000-05:00

This was caught on candid camera!

How lovely and pensive she looks! I've always wanted a sister, but God gave me two brothers instead. However, my God, who is an awesome God, has blessed me with a wonderful cousin. I sure do love her... a lot!!

interesting!

2007-11-25T09:09:00.000-05:00

"Ambition.... is a great man's madness,
that is not kept in chains and close-pent rooms,

but in fair lightsome lodgings, and is girt

with the wild noise of prattling visitants

which makes it lunatic beyond all cure."

-Antonio, John Webster's "Duchess of Malfi"

"The misery of us that are born great,

We are forced to woo because none dare woo us"

-Duchess, John Webster's "Duchess of Malfi"

The other side of driving

2007-11-23T22:15:00.000-05:00

It was a fine morning when he said, "Come out, Dorcas. I teach you how to change the tyres. This is very different from the old car." As though I knew how to change the tyres of the old car! Anyway, I obediently went out in my pyjamas.

"Don't you want to change into something else? In case you dirty your pyjamas," Mum said. What?! I thought I was just suppose to observe him doing it! You know, be the audience.... I didn't know it's going to be a hands-on training.

First, he showed me how to replace and retrieve the spare tyre. Well, I did not even know where the spare tyre was kept, to begin with. Anyway, he showed me how to do it at first, then he made me do it as well. It was not so difficult after all! You just screw and screw and screw till the thing is tight.....

After that, he taught me how to jack up the car to change the tyres. So he began by showing me where the jack was kept. When one mentions 'jack', the image of a red and white lawn-mower-like thing appears in my mind's eyes. To my surprise, he took out this black and shiny bomb-like thing with a knob in front that really looked more like a bunsen burner. Then he showed me where to place the thing. It was supposed to be placed somewhere under the suspension, I think. Of course, I did not even know what a suspension looked like.

"See that thing over there? You place it right there." I just nodded and replied with an "uh-huh". But to be honest, the whole of the bottom part of the car looks the same to me. After all, the whole thing is black in colour, and I am pretty sure every part is just as dirty.

So finally he got it done and over with, and I had to help keep all the tools, which I was almost certain weighed more than a tonne. And I wonder why no one ever said anything about changing the tyres when I signed up for driving lessons....

It is no wonder why girls find it hard to connect with their dads. I am sure if it were my brother, he would have been so eager to do these things. But me? change the tyres? under this hot sun? You must be kidding.... I always believe that my God is an awesome God. I can't marvel more at His wisdom than when He created Adam and his sons. Who is gonna change the tyres if they do not exist?

Doing it my way!

2007-11-22T12:41:00.000-05:00

I found this very cute comic on 'Being Five':

Cute and interesting, isn't it? Sure it is, but it also reminds me of us. Yes, us, as in you and me!

It reminds me of the time when I told God that I was old enough to do things on my own. I told Him that I didn't need His help anymore. And the worst part of the story is not when I made mistakes, the worst part is when I made a mistake and I did not even know that I'd made one. Like Georgie, I wonder why 'there's an upside down number which was not there'.

While it is necessary for us to grow up and be independent, we have to realise that we will never be able to totally do things on our own without the help of anyone. That is why God has said that He will be with us always. He didn't say that He will be with us until we are old enough spiritually, because He knows we will never be old enough to do everything correctly.

It is also the same in the real world. As teens grow older, we have a tendency to deny help and advice. We think we are old enough to do it on our own. Of course, we never think we are not capable of doing certain things, because we do not even know we have made a mistake in the first place. That is why God has placed in our lives long-suffering parents who relentlessly contribute their generous suggestions and advice in every single thing we do. I am sure God has placed them in our lives for a reason.

Mistake-making is an inevitable part of life, which does not fade away with the process of aging. We still make mistakes, just that the mistakes that we make at every stage of our lives differ. It's high time we all learn to ask for help once in a while when things get out of hand!

officially 19

2007-11-20T23:43:00.000-05:00

And I've officially turned 19! As I am writing now, I am precisely 19 years, 23 hours and 32 minutes old. I almost cannot believe that I've lived for 19 years. It sounds like such a long time... that's almost 2 decades, you know.

How was my day, you may ask. It was okay.... Nothing exceptional, as I am resigned to the fact that my life is a routine. However, yesterday, I was reminded of just how rich I am.

The very first birthday wish came all the way from Australia (1am Aussie time), from a friend whose birthday I do not even know. Then, at presicely 12 midnight, my best friend's wish came. From then on, my phone never stopped beeping. Even 'someones' (is that the plural for someone?) tried to go against convention and sent in their wishes at precisely 00:00 November 21, so that they will be the very last persons to wish me (and I thought they had forgotten). Well, they succeeded!

Most amazing thing is that my friends back in secondary school were the very first ones to send in their wishes, some of whom whose number I do not even have. How very nice of them to remember me....

See, I am indeed a very rich person, don't you think? Rich, not of worldly richest, but because of the many people around me who cares about me. People whom, at times, I have overlooked...

Man, I feel so special and pampered!!

Oh, and there was this very special gift from the other half of my class.... Maybe one day you guys will get to see it.

essays, essays......

2007-11-19T00:38:00.000-05:00

And I'm finally done with writing admission essays! 1 or 2 essays for one application and I've submitted five applications. So, you do the math! This answers for the lack of post on my blog lately. And I thought I enjoyed writing and would like to pursue a career in writing.... Well, this admission essay business sure drained all the interest that I have ever had for writing, at least for the moment.

Honestly, how can it not, when you are asked to write a 2-5 page essay describing yourself and your dreams, and another essay indicating a person who has had a significant influence on you. I know myself too well to reduce my 19 years (minus one day) of life on earth into a 2-5 page essay, yet I live a life that is too common and too regular and too routine to fill up 2 to 5 pages with anything that is of any real interest to an outsider. My dreams? Oh well, at the moment, I do not have any plans of leading a revolution or to change the world. My dream is to get married and have some kids so that I can build a family of my own. And this is exactly what I wrote in my essay. (trust me, my right hand is on the Bible) The person who has had the most significant influence in my life? Undoubtedly, that person is Dorcas Lam a.k.a. Lam Yarn Pooi a.k.a. Dorcas Yarn-Pooi Lam a.k.a. me! hands down. I mean, from whom can you learn better life lessons than yourself? After all, you are the only person whose strengths and weaknesses are all known to you. Unfortunately, this did not sound like a very good choice of answer to be written in an admission essay. So, you see my dilemma?

And then, besides the essays, I was also asked to submit short answers to questions like:

1. Why do you choose X University? What do you think is so distinct about this university?

Frankly, I really did not choose the university. But I believe the university will be very distinct to me if it offers me full scholarship, and I will definitely choose the university then.

2. What can you contribute to the community at X University?

What can I contribute? If I am admitted, but not on full scholarship, funds and US Dollars are what I will be contributing.

And just when I thought I am done with admission essays, I am asked to consider applying for the Honors Program, which requires me to write another 6-page essay explaining how I will gain from doing the Honors Program.

Heck, I am not even admitted into the university yet. How am I suppose to know how I will benefit from the program? c'mon...

Finding them a little too late

2007-11-17T01:29:00.000-05:00

I realise that I am always a little too late. Too late for what, you may ask. Too late for relationships to be developed. Not mere acquaintance, but real deep relationships. I have often known someone for a long long time, but it is only very much later that we discover, or I discover, that we can be really close friends, only to find that we have to go our separate ways already.

It happened in primary school. My best friend in primary school happened to be a guy. We were in the same class since Standard One, but we never became close friends until we reached Standard Five, only to find that we will be going to different schools in different countries in two years' time. Out of my six years in primary school, four years were spent in solitude. Although we still keep in contact, it is not the same.

It happened in secondary school. My best friend in secondary school is probably my bestest friend ever. We were in the same pathetically small school since Form One, and we both served in the Prefectorial Board since Form One. Yet, I did not know of her existence till we were in the same class in Form Three, and we were not even close then. It was in Form Four that we became really close. Now I think she is the person who knows me best besides my Mom. And I wonder why I have not found her earlier. Because when we were in Form Five, we were both lamenting how very short a time we spent together. So we ended up talking on the phone for hours after leaving secondary school.

It happened in college. Hannah was in Bible Knowledge (henceforth to be known as BK) class with me for two years. Besides knowing her by face, I know virtually next to nothing about her. We never even spoke to each other. Then I found her to be in my second semester Law class in college. Only then we became close friends, and she became my self-appointed body guard. It was her last semester, and the time we spent together lasted for less than six months. Then there was Kit Yan, who was also in the same BK class with me for two years. All I knew about her was that she was a high scorer in BK. Only when she came to MCKL, we became really close friends and we became each other's spiritual support. And I wonder why it did not occur to me to get to know them earlier.

It happened in church. I knew Jonathan since we were babies, I think. And we did not even say more than 'Hi!' and 'Bye!' for the first seventeen years of my life. It is only recently that we became good friends as we serve in youth and it is indeed a joy to have someone like him as a friend. Only I wish we could be acquainted earlier. Then there are the Lohs (Miss, Mr and Mrs Loh) who has been in KLBCC for more than five years. We even served together in the worship ministry for quite some time. Yet I did not know them well till recently, only to realise what blessings I've missed out all these years, and the privilege of being called someone's princess. Unfortunately, I may be leaving next year.

And I wonder why am I always a little too late in realising the blessings in disguise that are scattered all around me. Perhaps I need some help in finding them. Perhaps my vision is not so good and I need some aid in locating these little jewels in my life. Perhaps I need a dose of discernment to identify the ones who are my true friends, so that I do not mistake the fake ones as true friends, and miss out the genuine ones. Perhaps I need to be constantly on the lookout.

Sweet!

2007-11-10T11:35:00.000-05:00

As I was flipping through my diary, I saw these quotes that I had taken down:

"I have not broken your heart- you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine."

"I forgive what you have done to me. I love my murderer- but yours! How can I?"

-by Heathcliff, Charlotte Bronte's "Wuthering Heights"

Now I know.....

2007-11-08T09:52:00.000-05:00

Now I finally know why in Malaysia we always have long festive holidays. If they are not one-week long, they are at least two or three days long, like the Deepavali holidays this time. Remember the ban for fire crackers? Well, apparently the ban was not very effective (obviously!). So, instead of having a preventive measure, the govenment has sought to using cures. Since people like to play with fire crackers, especially at night after bedtime, the government allows long festive holidays. Just in case people didn't get enough sleep and can't wake up for school and work the next morning, it's okay, cause there will be holidays. Aww.... how nice! But just too unfortunate for people like me who enjoy and cherish a night of peaceful slumber.

Sunday's Child

2007-11-06T11:31:00.000-05:00

Monday's child is fair of face,

Tuesday's Child is full of grace,

Wednesday's child is full of woe,

Thursday's child has far to go,

Friday's child is loving and giving,

Saturday's child works hard for a living,

But the child that is born on the Sabbath Day is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

November 20, 1988 was a Sunday. Guess that explains a lot, huh? haha......

'The Shawshank Redemption'

2007-11-05T10:42:00.000-05:00

It is my exam week, yet within less than 24 hours, I managed to watch the same movie twice on DVD. Well, that really tells how remarkable the movie is! It is indeed one of the best ones I've watched so far. Hands down.... So, ladies and gentleman, presenting to you 'The Shawshank Redemption', starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman.

The movie is set in a prison. It is about a man who was wrongly convicted of murder and was sentenced to life imprisonment, and the things that go on in there really startle you and I. But the thing that thugs at my heart string is the message of friendship and hope that is being brought out. Of all places, it is really ironical that such a message is preached from a prison, where it is known to be a place where no one is your friend. And hope? Sounds to me like the most unlikely thing to be found in a prison.

Anyway, here are a few lines that I would like to quote from the movie:

"There are places in the world that aren't made out of stone.....There's something inside that they can't get to, that they can't touch. It's yours."

It is about hope. Hope is the thing that keeps one alive, and it is the only thing that no one can take away from you. Unfortunately, it is also the thing of which many deprive themselves.

They say that hope is a dangerous thing. It drives a man insane. I say hope is a dangerous thing. Without hope, you have no sanity to be driven away. They say the higher your hope soars, the greater the impact of the subsequent disappointment. I say if your hope does not soar, you will not even live to be disappointed. Hope keeps one alive. While it may be your decision to draw in each breath that is directly keeping you alive, it is hope or hopelessness that brings about that decision.

Here's a wonderful poem on HOPE, by Emily Dickinson:

PART ONE: LIFE, Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,

And sings the tunes without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest is the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

At the very end of the movie, this was shown on the screen: "This movie was nominated for 7 Academy Awards, including the Best Picture. It won none."

Gentlemanly

2007-11-01T11:23:00.000-04:00

It was a long and tiring day. After spending part of my morning in school trying to get certification for my documents, then sneaking out in between classes to post them to US, I still had to make a trip to MACEE in the afternoon. Just as I thought I can hitch a ride back home with Dad, he told me that I had to take the Monorail and LRT home as he did not bring his car that day. *sigh*

So I reached the LRT station, I saw the train leaving before my eyes. So I had to board the next train. It was not crowded (thank God!), but there was no seat left. With my 1-tonne backpack on my shoulders, my jacket hanging from my left arm, and my bottle and a plastic bag of files and documents on my right, I squeezed myself into a corner of the train in an attempt to locate my comfort zone for the short 5 minutes.

Then, he got up and offered me his seat. At the exact moment, the train jerked a little, and we were practically face-to-face. It was a moment of awkwardness. So I quickly nodded and muttered my thank you. As I sat down, I was overwhelmed by a sudden surge of mixed emotions. After all, I had never been offered a seat in the 19 years of my life on earth. Well, I have come to realise two things though:

There are gentlemen still living in the 21st Century! (oops, sorry guys. No offence! It's just a hyperbolical remark!)
Being offered a seat makes me feel so nice, yet so embarrassed at the same time. (after all, I'm only 19 years old!) Talking about mixed emotions......

What do you want to be?

2007-10-22T04:09:00.000-04:00

Ever wondered why Malaysia has never produced any Nobel Prize Laureate? Even Pakistan and Bangladesh have their share of Nobel Prize Laureates. Why not Malaysia? After all, Malaysia is one of the leading developing countries. Besides that, the government is pushing all the cream of the crop into the science stream. Why did they not invent something revolutionary and rake in at least one or two Nobel Prizes for, say Physics and Biology?

Someone once gave me an answer to that question. One can only be successful when he or she has a passion for what he or she is doing. I can't help but to fully agree to the answer. How can one invent anything worth being nominated for the Nobel Prize when getting up for work every morning is such a dread, and life is merely a series of routines? A job, to them, is nothing but a means of staying alive and a stepping stone to achieving their desired lifestyle.

Of course, our education system and the Asian mindset of many of our parents contribute a lot to this social phenomenon. The straight As students must be placed in the science stream, whether or not they have genuine interest in science. The best of the best must go into medicine, as if the country can survive with nobody else but doctors alone. Parents tell their children that they must either take up law or medicine or business administration, then from there they can choose their desired career path. As though they have much of a choice after that. And the end result? Tonnes of students who hate what they are studying. Tonnes of working adults who get up for work every morning for the mere necessity of it.

When I was at the first crossroad of my life (after I finished my SPM), the usual question people asked me was "What are your future plans?" After I told them what I had in mind for my own future, they will gladly contribute their own opinions and suggestions. Are you sure that's what you wanna do? There's no prospect. You will not be able to make a living. Doing what you like is one thing, but you also have to be practical.

I guess it all boils down to your purpose in life: what you want to achieve in life. If you are in a pursuit for material wealth, perhaps the best option is to go for the most profitable career, say lawyer, doctor, or businessman. However, at the end of the day, you will only find that you are too exhausted to enjoy the abundance of wealth you have created for yourself. After all, you work for 30 years to fund the enjoyment in your twilight years that last for only 10 years, that is if you still have the blessing of good health by then. For me, it is the pursuit of fulfillment and self-satisfaction. It is a desire to fulfill my dreams and longings and to live a life on which I can reflect with a smile at my death bed.

Of course, we are always haunted by the practicality question of whether or not we will be able to make a living. Frankly, I think in Malaysia, especially in Kuala Lumpur, staying alive is not a problem; getting rich and living in luxury are. I am certain that whichever career path you take, you will never starve to death by a street. Those who starve are those who are not willing to work at all.

Despite the sceptical comments I receive, I am determined to do what I really enjoy doing. I want to bring about a tide of change and to leave behind my footprints at least, in the course my life. I don't want to be contemplating my retirement at the age of 35. I don't want my life to be a dull set of routines that I despise, a boring series of obligations in which I am trapped and from which I am unable to free myself. So, despite what they say, I am going to do what my heart and my Lord are telling me to do. After all, someone has to do what no one wants to do. Where on earth do you think the pastors, social workers and entertainers come from if everyone decides to be a doctor, a lawyer or a businessman?

What do you want to be in the future? I want to be a wife, a mother, a writer and a servant of God.

The fine line between kindness and foolishness

2007-10-19T02:47:00.001-04:00

At times I wonder if values are always contemporary, or like technology, they become obsolete with the passage of time. In moral classes, we are often taught to help the 'poor and needy'. In Bible Knowledge class, we are taught the Law of Love from the Christian perspective as Jesus taught in Luke 6:27-30,

"27 But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To him who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from him who takes away your coat do not withhold even your short. 30 Give to every one who begs from you; and of him who takes away your goods do not ask them again."

I can't help wondering if these teachings are still applicable today in the 21st century. Will we be treated like fools if we strictly adhere to what we were taught? Will we be taken advantage of because we demonstrate love as we were taught to?

As I walked down Petaling Street, especially from Plaza Rakyat LRT station, the people by the street trying to make a living caught my attention, and my heart went out to them. Many a time I wanted to just show them kindness and Christian love. But the question here is 'How?'. My intention to give them alms was immediately terminated when I saw a packet of cigarettes peeping out of their pockets. If they can afford to purchase cigarettes, wouldn't they be able to afford their meals as well? If I were to give them money just like that, I would be supporting the tobacco industry, wouldn't I? So I intended to help them by giving them food instead. Disappointingly, this intention of mine was also forced to be terminated when I heard that my brother's friend who did the same was scolded by the 'poor lady' for not giving her money instead. Well, so much for demonstrating love and kindness....

There was once, when I was browsing through some books in Borders, I was approached by an old lady who asked me for some money to buy a drink. Not wanting to turn her away empty handed, I sent my brother who was with me to buy her mineral water from 7-Eleven. Guess what? She didn't want mineral water. She wanted Milo! Fine. And she led my brother to the shop that probably sells the most expensive Milo ever and ordered the drink even before my brother reached the shop. It cost him RM 2.80 for one teeny-weeny cup of Milo! For the next few days, he couldn't stop complaining!

I think it was not so much the RM 2.80 that prompted my brother's complaints, but rather the feeling that he was being exploited for his kindness. Hence, it points us back to the question of whether or not Jesus' command for us to show kindness without holding back is still applicable in the 21st Century, when you do not even know if the person who approaches you comes with pure intentions.

Can we still demonstrate love by turning the other cheek when being struck? Or will we be taken advantage of because of the command to demonstrate love? Can we still 'give to all who beg from us'? Does doing so really help the needy, or is the money merely being channelled from our pockets to the pockets of others who are possibly better off than ourselves?

I guess living in the deceptive age of the 21st Century demands a lot of wisdom, discretion and discernment to ensure that our position is not being taken advantage of. After all, kindness and foolishness are merely separated by a very fine line.

Man: Civilised vs Barbarous

2007-10-17T11:36:00.000-04:00

As I was doing revision the other day, I came across a very interesting remark in my Unit 4 Literature text, Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood. It says,

"The difference between a civilised man and a barbarous fiend- a madman, say- lies, perhaps merely in a thin veneer of willed self-restraint."

The 'man' in this context, refers not to the humankind, but to the male sex in particular. It was said in the context of sexual desires. The text was previously discussing the sexual inclination of men, and how women became victims of the lust and personal desires of men.

Hence, in plain words, this remark is saying that, what separates and differentiates say, the fiend who tortured little Nurin from the other 'gentlemen' in our society, is that the latter willfully restraints their actions while the former does not and has thereby given in to his lust. In other words, the remark says that what goes through the minds of all guys is the same. The difference lies in whether those fantasies remain in the mind or are they being put into action.

Hmm.... how interesting... I do not know what goes through the male faculty of thoughts and intelligence, but I sure wonder if I will be surprised and shocked by the discovery of what goes through the minds of these people who cross my path every single day. Will it be an epiphany or will it be an anti-climax?

Guys, do leave a comment to shed light on this issue. Girls, feel free to add on or express yourselves.

Living with the ultimate Choleric

2007-10-13T08:55:00.000-04:00

While everyone else was enjoying the Raya holidays, I was stuck in the college. Yes, it's true! Sad, but true... I have only Monday off. Besides not having more holidays, I still had to go back to college on Friday night for CF Leaders' Retreat. We stayed in college for the night and the meeting ended at noon the next day. So there goes half of my holiday!

Well, I really shouldn't complain about it. After all, I am doing the Lord's work. Frankly, the meeting was a much needed one. We really needed to review what the CF had been doing all these while and set goals and some substantial guidelines for the CF. At least, we need to set our purpose right. I can' deny that it was a VERY fruitful meeting, for it was indeed fruitful. We shared our past CF experience (of which I have none) and other stuffs as well. Then we review the purpose and direction of the CF. It was interesting to be reminded again of the purpose of the CF's existence. Then we came out with this 3-page long constitution for the CF. Man, I thought I was in Law class with all the 'articles' and 'amendments'! In the first place, I didn't know CFs need constitutions. Well, it apparently does!

The most interesting thing throughout the 1-day-1-night retreat was having to live with "The Ultimate Choleric". I have never in my life seen anyone with as strong and willful a character as hers. While we were analysing the Great Commission in Matthew 28 as told by Mr. Michael and applying it to the context of our CF, she was all the while telling us what to do and what to write instead of allowing us the free time to brainstorm (which I think is the main purpose of the activity). Before I can have the time to conceive a thought in my mind, she was by my side telling us what we were supposed to do! I had to hint that maybe she 'wanna help the other group instead'. Then all through the meeting, she was asserting her opinion on everyone and telling me what I should be doing. To be very frank, I was annoyed, and my patience was exhausted. Finally, Wen Shan tactfully asked if she had taken the personality test and that if she is a Choleric. Well, everyone knew what that meant, maybe with the exception of herself.

Unfortunately, she shared the same room with the girls, and her love for Scrabble drove her to compel everyone else to join her in the game for the whole night till 1.48am. Goodness me! Everyone was so bored. Some were fiddling with their cameras, some were just chatting, and some were half asleep. Still, she insisted on continuing the game, so much so that she volunteered to do other people's turn! What a game! Finally, someone messed up the point system and the game had to be terminated. Good grief!

Being half a Choleric myself, crossing path with other Cholerics means a clash of personality. But I guess sometimes God puts people like these in my path to refine my patience and train me to accept others just as they are, just as He loves me just as I am. It was also an experience of 'casting crowns': to cast my crown at His feet in exchange for His spirit of humility.There are things to give thanks for, though. At least she is not in my family and I don't have to bear with her for the rest of my life!

Everything said and done, I am reminded that this retreat is really not about her but about the CF. In speaking so, I truly thank God for a very committed committee! (Now I know from where the word 'committee' is derived.) And once again, I am encouraged by the promise in Isaiah 40:28-31. After all, it's His work that I'm doing. I really shouldn't rely on my own strength in doing God's work. How can I?

Too close for comfort

2007-10-10T09:37:00.000-04:00

When were you closest to anyone? I sure would like to think that it is when I'm with my loved ones and friends. Unfortunately, many a time, it is a stranger who shares this closeness. Scratching your head? You'll know what I mean if you are one who frequently takes public transport, especially during peak hours.

Having to take the public transport every week day, I know what it means to be really close to someone. Especially during peak hours like 8am+ and 5pm+, you are forced into the close company of strangers, whether or not you like it, of course, unless you don't mind waiting for a longer period of time for the next train/ bus. Well, as for me, I have neither the luxury of time nor the patience.

The moment the doors slide open, the battle for space begins. Everyone tries to shove and push to secure a spot in the train, however small it may be. As long as they get both their feet beyond the open doors, other parts come in second. Hence, we have the hilarious situations when guys get their backpacks stuck in between the closed doors and the edges of clothing are seen between the doors. I try to be civilised and let others go first, after all, this is what we were taught in moral classes, but somehow, people just don't give way to civility. Those from the back start pushing if you don't make way, and deep inside, I realise that if I don't do the same, I will never get on the train.

Finally, I am in the train, and when the doors close, I realise that I am trapped in a small space with at least more than 50 other strangers. Claustrophobia sets in! Not only so, I find myself in close proximity to these people whom I hardly know. In fact, they are total strangers. Literally! I find my body being dangerously and uncomfortably close to them. Sometimes, our hands touch and, as though there is a current, both hands are drawn apart in a reflex, followed by a muttered apology, as if it is a great sin to be in contact with each other. How ironical that sounds, when you are surrounded by a sea of crowd!

Four more stations to go!

The longer period of time I spend in the train, the more conscious I am of the apparent odour coming from those around me. There are smells of Romance, Curious, Calvin Klein and Hugo. There are smells of mere body odour that makes me wonder when was the last time these people took a long good shower, or perhaps they fell into a drain prior to boarding the train. The mixture of odours turns the sweet smell to unbearably strong stench and the smell of sweat into... well, I shall not proceed.

Three more stations to go!

When the lady in front of me finally decides to remove her baggage from the seat next to her, for which I assume she bought a ticket since they occupy one whole seat or perhaps more, I seize the opportunity and force my bum into the limited space. After having done so, I begin to regret. I realise that the man to my right is eyeing me from top to toe and it really makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. The woman to my left is carrying a plastic bag from which water is dripping. And I wonder where does the liquid come from, until I finally peer into the bag and see that she had just bought some fresh fish from the market. Then when the train finally jerked to a stop, the man to my right is suddenly a couple of inches nearer to me.

Two more stations to go!

Just when I think that things cannot be anymore worse, I am proven wrong. Handphones start to ring as if it is nobody's business. I am treated to a wide variety of music of all genres. From Jay Chou, Westlife and Siti Nurhaliza to Richard Clayderman, P. Ramlee and Bollywood. Oh, not forgetting the homophonic 'Jingle Bell's. Then they talk as though they are in the comfort and privacy of their living rooms, speaking in maximum volume, in languages which will really contaminate my hearing. I know it is very rude to eavesdrop, Mummy has often taught me not to, but in this case, I really can't help overhearing the whole conversations. It is not as if I want to and would like to, but it just cannot be otherwise, of course unless I'm deaf, which I am not.

One more station to go!

The man in front of me starts to cough and the woman to his left starts to sneeze. I was taught to cover my mouth whenever I do so, but I guess not all Mums and Dads teach their kids to do so. Well, besides that, one of their hands is clutching their bags which I think must contain at least 10 bars of pure gold, and the other is holding onto the railing, clinging on for their dear lives, as though the train is going to go topsy-turvy anytime. Where is there a third hand to cover their mouths?

Next station, Hang Tuah.

Finally, I've reached my station. I just cannot wait to get out of this confinement, but not without putting up a last fight. As the doors open, I have to push my way through, rubbing against a thousand other torsos on the way, muttering a million 'excuse me's just to battle for whatever limited space that is left for me. At the same time, another sea of homo sapiens is gushing into the train.

Fresh air at last, and space, wonderfully precious space! I never know how precious they are previously.

2/365

2007-10-08T09:58:00.000-04:00

What a weekend!! Saturday morning, I had to wake up at 6am and go all the way to Subang Jaya to sit for my SAT. I reached there about 7am, checked out my seat and classroom and found myself sitting in front of Ian (as always, because of our names), and then went for breakfast at McD. What a lousy McD! The percolator, or something like that was not working and all that they could give us was Milo. We were fine with that, really, and we asked for iced Milo. Then they made us wait at least 15 minutes before the food arrive and it really annoys me since there was only 45 minutes left to the time of my exam. And when the 'iced Milo' finally came, it was Milo + ice in two different cups. Can't they understand simple English?

My SAT.... Well, that room was freezing cold and I was not allowed to switched seats as we were arranged in a certain order (which I really don't think this is the case, since no one led me to my seat). I was shivering all through the exam and can't even sit up properly. Just hope that it didn't affect me adversely..... The questions.... hmm... essay was fine, but I feel that the last paragraph I added in at the last minute was pretty lame and not very convincing. Anyway, it was not as bad as the reading section. There were so many big words!!! Goodness me! How was the paper over all? I really don't know. I've learnt not to place expectations on myself, as I have been disappointed a number of times previously. Just wait and see, I guess.... But the most extraordinarily pleasant thing was that Rodney actually remembered that I sat for my SAT on Saturday and he e-mailed to ask me how was it! How nice of him!

Then right after the test, after dropping Ian off at a bus station, we rushed back home to have our lunch, to shower and then rush down to Crowne Plaza Mutiara for the Friends Forever practice before our church 9th Anniversary Building Fund Raising Dinner. Even after all the rushing, we were more than an hour late. The jam... my goodness.... was just not perceivable! And then the second practice at 5pm was such a mess! People forgot their lines, forgot the dance steps, and was just lost on stage. Everyone started to feel the pressure and the stress and we just freaked out. Some even broke down and cried, including one who was the most unexpected. However, everything turned out well. In fact, it was VERY GOOD. Indeed, way beyond any one's expectations. Praise the Lord! The promise in 1 Peter 5:7 and Psalm 55:22 was such a comfort! Especially when doing His work for His glory, it is such a comfort to know that He is really the one who's bearing all the cares. And I've also come to realise how the tears of one man can bring about such great impact....

Then on Sunday, although there was no Friends Forever practice (yay!), I reached home only about 4pm because I attended Baby Dorothy's full moon party cum Joshua and Josiah's 6th birthday party. Baby Dorothy is such a beauty! So small and so fragile, yet so full of life.... Indeed, she is one of God's amazing creations. Really makes me marvel in awe at His greatness and superiority.

So, it has been two long days, exceptionally long days! And very tiring too! I went to college the next day (at 7.45am for CF committee meeting) feeling so tired and drained. I was literally dozing off in class! *oops!* And Miss Cumareson's voice in Literature class does not help at all.... However, it is a blessed assurance that when we come before Him, He will give us rest, as He has promised in Matthew 11:28. Very eventful 2/365!

About Turn

2007-10-03T09:05:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, as I turned on the radio while having lunch, it was playing Cat Steven's "Morning Has Broken". It is such a beautiful song, that I decided to seize this chance and just enjoy the music as it is, regardless of the memories it triggered. As I turned on the radio for some company while studying, again the same song was being played, and the most peculiar thing was that, this song was again brought to my attention when I checked my inbox the same night; my brother sent me a beautiful mail with this song playing in the background. Whenever I listen to this song, it never fails to trigger grief and sorrow within me for the person who sang this song-- Cat Stevens a.k.a Yusuf Islam.

For those of you who have not heard of him, Cat Stevens was an icon in the music industry back in the 70's or 80's. He sang many of the songs with which we are familiar today, among them are "Morning Has Broken" and "Father And Son", which is one of my favourites. However, some years back, at what was purportedly his last concert, he announced that he had converted to Islam and had changed his mane to Yusuf Islam. Since then, he has stepped out of the secular entertainment world. After the 911 incident, he was denied access into his own country because of his religion and has since become a prominent figure in the world of international relations, as he became an ambassador to reconcile the West and the Middle East.

"Morning Has Broken" is not an unfamiliar song in churches, at least not in mine. We sing it as one of the hymns, and one certainly cannot deny the beauty of the lyrics. It is so full of praise for the ultimate Creator who gave us life. It truly saddens me to think of what has become of the person who sang it so beautifully. He made an about turn, and turned his back on the one true God whom he so adored before. Did he not find fulfillment in Jesus Christ? Does Islam really fill the gap within every soul, and his, that longs to be filled with something from the divine? Or was his about turn a result of something else?

He was disappointed by the way he was treated by other Christians. They do not practise what they preach. At least so I heard. As to its authenticity, I cannot ascertain. But one thing I do know: there were people who were turned away while in search of the truth, because people who claimed to be Christians were not practising what they preach.

Hypocrisy, indeed.... one of the 'defects' in the church which Paul had highlighted in one of his letters. In fact, calling it a defect is an understatement. Defects can be easily mended, and minor defects will not even have a significant effect. Instead, they often go unnoticed. Hypocrisy is more like an epidemic, a deadly virus, like SARS or the Bird Flu; it spreads quickly, and affects not only those in close proximity, but its effects are extended even to those who are on the outside. How sad! Sad, but true!

Over time, we see how hypocrisy affects the church, we also recall times when we ourselves are affected and pissed off by the hypocrisy of others. Well, I myself have certainly experienced it. Yet, I do not think this issue has been effectively addressed. Christians are still living in their make-believe paradise, oblivious to the watching eyes of outsiders. We are often the target of close monitoring by the world. Why? Because we preach a much needed message of love and care, yet it is one that is incomprehensible to the rest of the world. So, they are looking at us for some substantial acts that truly substantiate what we preach. However, time and again, we have disappointed them.

I do not know what effect the story of Cat Stevens has on you, but it certainly makes me want to change the way I have been conducting myself, so that my life reflects the message of love that Christianity bears. We may pray for Cat Stevens and hope that he will make another about turn, but faith is accompanied with actions. The change that needs to take place is the change in our lives, the change in the definition we give to the word 'Christian'. I cannot bear to have another Cat Stevens a.k.a Yusuf Islam in the world. I have more than enough grief already. Besides that, we never know the extent of the effect Stevens' conversion has on the world at large, after all, he was an icon.

Chambers v Almighty

2007-09-23T11:28:00.001-04:00

The 21st century has seen people of the world fighting for their rights. Vigilant movements to fight for basic human rights, rights of women, rights of children, and rights of the minority have risen everywhere on the face of the earth. This reflects a widespread awareness of the law and of the rights that the law has given to us. While it is good and right to know the law and vouchsafe your rights as was constituted, let's not carry it to the extreme.

Living in the 21st century, we are so used to hearing people say, "I will sue you", that in fact, it has become one of the most popular phrases of the century. Even children say it. Of course, Hollywood has never ceased to promote what the law can do for you. As a law student, of course, I am not spared from this widespread epidemic. When doing the problem questions, I have to think of ways and laws under which I can sue people. Interesting, but not as interesting as you think it is. As I have 5 hours of law every week, inevitably, I also begin to view my daily life from a legal perspective. I begin to take notice of rights and contracts in our daily lives that were breached. Let me assure you, this annoys my family a lot, and I mean A LOT!

On Wednesday, though, this caught my eye,

"The defendant in a Nebraska state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in the state's Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He is everywhere."

- "Senator Sues God in Protest", The Star

Yes, he is trying to sue God. And the charge? "God has inspired fear and caused widespread death, destruction and terrorisation of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants...... and has caused fearsome floods... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes". He is seeking an injunction (a court order to prevent someone from doing something) against God. What can I say but 'bizarre' and 'absurd'.

As people of the 21st century, we are so engrossed with the power of the law, that we seem to have placed our security and our trust wholly on the law and our rights. The law is such an essential weapon for our lives, so much so that it does not merely function as a shield to safeguard our well being, but also as a weapon of attack for us to launch attacks at others, all in the name of 'human rights'. It has even elevated us to an assumed a disposition way beyond where the Creator of the heavens and the earth has placed us, so much so that we now attempt to rebuke our Creator.

I am indeed surprised that such an act of naivety was carried out by a lawmaker, one who was elected to govern the people most probably because of his capability. As I read of the news, I can't help but imagine my pet gold fish saying to me, "Hey! Keep your hands out of my goldfish bowl, or I'll sue you!" Sounds bizarre, isn't it? And we laugh at it. But this is exactly what our dear senator is doing. Doing such a thing, according to him, is to "make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody" under the law, but I think, it only shows us how interesting it can be when a senator turns himself into a clown. Indeed, he has made a laughing stock out of himself. What he did, to me, is like a child's play.

I wonder what happens if he does succeed in his action... What if the judge really grants him the injunction he is seeking? But, so what? Does anyone think that a mere injunction can regulate God's actions?

Anyway

2007-09-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

"God is great

But sometimes life ain't good

When I pray

It doesn't always turn out like I pray it should

But I do it anyway"

This is the chorus of a new song by Martina McBride. I like it so much. Things happen and we think that by praying, we always get what we want. But as this song says, things just don't turn out the way we want it to be sometimes. However, in all things, the best that you can do is to trust Him who has the best plan for your life. What a comfort!

"You can pour your soul out singing

A song you believe in

And tomorrow they'll forget you ever sing

Sing it anyway"

This last verse is also an encouragement for me. How many times have we done things that do not seem to be noticed and cherished by others? Countless! We stand up for something we believe in, and we are confronted with objections. Just as I encountered recently. Our confidence and our assurance may be swayed. However, what you really must do is to ascertain what you believe in is true, and HOLD on to your principle! It doesn't matter if no one else notices what you do, or disapproves of it, what matters is that it is pleasing to our Heavenly Father.

Now you see why Martina McBride never ceases to be one of my favourites!

Who Am I?

2007-09-18T03:04:00.000-04:00

Who am I?

I am a student.

I am pastor's daughter.

I am Mum's princess.

I am my brothers' sister.

I am a friend's friend.

I am a youth leader.

I am the CF president.

I am a worship leader.

I am a back-up singer.

I am a lover of God.

I am His handservant.

I am salt and light.

I am a 19-year-old who behaves like 25.

I am a high achiever.

I am a leader.

I am a role model.

I am a Christian.

I am the phlegmatic.

I am the dictator.

I am the perfectionist.

I am the lawyer.

I am the book worm.

I am the interpreter.

Who am I, exactly? I don't really know. Sometimes, I just want to be Dorcas, the regular 19-year-old. full stop.

To LOVE someone...

2007-09-12T11:04:00.000-04:00

"I love him better than myself... I know it by this:

I pray every night that I may live after him;

because I would rather be miserable than that he should be:

that proves I love him better than myself."

- by Emily Brontë's Catherine Earnshaw in Wuthering Heights

10 things

2007-09-09T10:36:00.000-04:00

Lately with the funeral and all, I can't help being overcome by the notion of death. I can't help feeling how fragile our lives are and how uncertain tomorrow is. I may be here today, but I can't vouchsafe that I'll still be here tomorrow. In fact, I am not even sure I will be here the next second. Same goes to my loved ones; I do not know how long they will be with me, and this scares me. Of course, songs like "If Tomorrow Never Comes" and "Live Like You Were Dying" enhance this depressing notion. So, I decided to come up with this list:

10 things I wanna do if I have only 1 month to live:

Fall in love
Experience campus life in US
Go bungee-jumping, ab-sailing and white water rafting
Join MV Doulos
Attend Passion Conference
Take Dad to Disneyland in Florida
Take Mum to Switzerland
Make a will so that my books and my bears do not fall into the wrong hands
Catch up with old friends
Confess to my parents all the things that I've done behind their backs

These, of course, are in random order. I used to have a similar list that I made sometime back when I was in school. Comparing the previous one to this one, there are significant differences. Things that matter most to me last time has now become rather insignificant, and other things have taken their places. My priorities have changed.

Today's sermon in church was about setting priorities. It is really ironical that it is usually in circumstances as such- when we are contemplating the subject of death- that we actually begin to set our priorities right. Only in times like these when we truly see what matters most in this fragile life.

Hey, here's a challenge to make this list for yourself. List down ten things and you see what you cherish most in life. I can't wait to this on your blog!